Living Alone in times of COVID-19

Thank you to YPAL for hosting this Instagram live interview and for all that you do for Louisville’s young professional community.

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Question: I live alone and I am feeling really lonely, what can I do?

Oh yeah totally, great question. A lot of the population lives alone, and this can be an added struggle to the physical distancing we have going on and will be doing into the future.

One important thing to keep in mind is that there is a difference between isolation and loneliness. A lot of people use the words as one in the same, but they are quite different. Isolation is a physical state where loneliness is an emotional state.

So do an internal check in and see if you are feeling isolated or lonely.

Since loneliness is an emotion and emotions are fluid and come and go it is something that can fluctuate quite often. We can feel lonely while with a group of people, we can feel lonely when we are alone, we can feel lonely while with our families.

At the core of loneliness is the quality of the connection you have to self and others, not the quantity of interactions you have.

So, all though physical isolation can definitely bring on or heighten feelings of loneliness and make this experience feel a bit more complicated, they don’t have to come as a package deal. Thank goodness for the internet, good weather, resources and ways to connect with friends, family, strangers, and more because this can allow us to connect with ourselves and others during these times.

No human is perfect and one of the things we all have in common is our mental health. No one here is immune to mental health struggles and concerns. We all have had some degree of mental health symptoms (anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, fear, worry, phobias, etc….) present before COVID-19 but they were able to avoid and distract themselves or avoid these symptoms a lot easier than they are now because they were able to socialize in person, go to the gym, go to a bar, or whatever else they were doing.

Now since we have those outlets shut down or restricted, we cannot get too far from our own thoughts and are finding that we don’t know how to deal with these thoughts and feelings and COVID-19 and its uncertainty is exacerbating these.

Important to take note of your experiences and make sure you are keeping yourself safe. Reach out to a friend or a loved one and ask for help. Reach out to a medical or mental health professional for assistance. Call a hotline to ask questions and connect. A good hotline to call if you or someone you know is feeling unsafe due to a mental health crisis is 1-800-273-8255, or call 911, or go to your local hospital, The Brook, Peace Hospital (call before going in)

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Suicide Risk factors:

·      Previous suicide attempt / family hx of suicide

·      Easy access to lethal means

·      Lack of social support

·      Stigma against talking about it and asking for help

·      Substance use issues

·      Impulsivity

·      Previous trauma hx

Suicide Protective factors:

·      Support from family, friends, medical professionals

·      Coping skills

·      Restricted access to lethal means

·      Cultural and religious support

Questions to ask:

• How are you coping with what's been happening in your life?

• Do you ever feel like just giving up?

• Are you thinking about dying?

• Are you thinking about hurting yourself?

• Are you thinking about killing yourself?

• Have you ever thought about killing yourself before, or tried to harm yourself before?

• Have you thought about how or when you'd do it?

• Do you have access to weapons or things that can be used as weapons to harm yourself?

  • People think that talking about suicide and killing yourself is going to make that individual do it more. That is false and research has proven it over and over again that talking about suicide and explicitly asking the questions of “do you think about killing yourself” grants that individual permission to be open and honest since you are the one who is being up front and bringing it into the conversation.

    • SAFETY is the number one thing here to keep in mind.What to do:

What to do:

·      Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (Can call to ask questions, get support, connected to resources in your community, etc.)

·      911

·      Go to your local hospital, The Brook, Peace Hospital (call before going in)

·      Connect yourself or a loved one to a therapist

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Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC

Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY

I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.

The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.

Maintaining a self-care routine when in a global crisis

Thank you to YPAL for hosting this Instagram live interview and for all that you do for Louisville’s young professional community.

Question is: How do you maintain a self-care routine or keep that top of mind when you are so worried about your job, the economy and your loved ones?

First thing. Breathe. Take a deep breath. Or Maybe multiple. This is something I have to do multiple times a day. Though it sounds elementary, intentional deep breathing has mounds of research behind it to support how effective it is in calming the body and mind. (demonstrate and show them how)

So, after that I remind myself that the one constant in life is change. Just how our lives have changed so much due to physical distancing and the shutdowns, our self-care routines are also going to shift because of that or shift day to day just as they did before COVID-19.

Something that is super important to understand during these odd times is that it’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay that you aren’t eating healthy, running every day, renovating your house and getting all your work/school assignments complete at the same speed as before.

Send your body and mind some grace and love during this crisis. Remember that a lot of your brain space is being taken up by COVID-19 and the transitions we have had to endure, so naturally it is going to slow or take over some of the other functions.

Though I said before that self-care isn’t a crisis management tool, that doesn’t mean that it cannot help in a crisis. It just may not have the same affects as it would of if you were conditioning that muscle before the crisis.

So, start conditioning that muscle now and make sure you are keeping those realistic expectations at the forefront of your brain during these times. Deep breathing, socializing, or other self-care strategies are not going to bring you back down to your “normal” baseline, but maybe they will help ease or lower your heart rate or allow you time to pause and reflect.

We are in the middle of a pandemic, so it would be quite weird if you were feeling “normal” and “in control” and “sturdy”

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Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC

Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY

I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.

The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.

COVID-19 Self-Care

Thank you to YPAL for hosting this Instagram live interview and for all that you do for Louisville’s young professional community.

Transcription:

Hey! I am Shannon Gonter, and I am a licensed professional clinical counselor here in Louisville. I went to U of L for graduate school and did some post graduate work at Bellarmine. In my private practice, I do in person and online individual mental health counseling with adults residing in KY. I mostly work with young adults ranging from 18-35 who are struggling with pressure, perfectionism, emotional suppression, lack of purpose, and the struggles of living up to societies high expectations. After counseling, my clients often feel less stuck in life, more confident in their personal and professional lives, more connected to their emotions, are able to live life by their rules and not the rules that were set for them by others, and just have a better overall understanding of who they are therefore allowing them to navigate their relationships with more ease.

So, Self-care is…

an intentional, necessary and caring thing to do that creates more space for you to focus on you. That may be physical space created, mental space, emotional space, spiritual space, etc. It is something that allows you to focus on you.

Whenever talking about what self-care is I feel the need to point out what Self-care is not (because there are a lot of conscious and unconscious misconceptions out there)

Self-care is quite a trendy term and we do hear a lot about how we need to be “doing more of it” but the reason we don’t just all “do more self-care” is because there is some friction caused by taking time for ourselves.

1) a lot of people don’t really know what self-care is and just think it is pedicures and massages and a privilege (which I am here to tell you that it isn’t)

2) we have also been socialized to view a lot of true self-care activities as selfish and been taught that being selfish is bad (so we naturally steer away from it)

3) We think that self-care is just “adding more of” to our already busy schedules. Which is also false because the point of doing self-care is to make things feel less heavy. So if your “self-care” activities are leaving you feeling guilty if you don’t do them, or exhausted---it may not be self-care for you.

4) Finally, a lot of people just turn to self-care during a crisis and then are like “self-care doesn’t even work for me”. That’s like doing to the gym once and then being surprised that you can’t squat 200 lbs. That’s just not how it works.

Think of self-care like a muscle. If you don’t regularly use those muscles, when you do they are in shock and get quite sore after. But if you give those muscles attention, condition them and use them on the reg, they are much easier to access, know what to do and won’t create so much turmoil for you the next day.

So just like there are different types of muscles in your arm, there are different types of self-care (8).

Physical

o   Involves movement, health, sleep, diet, touch and intimacy. 

Eating on the reg, napping, wearing clothes that make you feel good, seeking medical care when needed, being sexual with yourself or your partner/partners, running, dancing…)

Psychological

o   Involves learning something new, thinking, engaging motivation from within, expression through creativity and intentionality. 

Journaling, finding time to reflect throughout your day, allowing yourself to be curious, doing a digital detox, going to counseling, saying “no” to extra responsibilities…

Emotional

o   Enhances emotional literacy, assists one in navigating emotions, increasing empathy, managing stress more effectively, and develop compassion for self and others.

Loving yourself, allowing yourself to cry, staying in contact with people from your past, spending time with those who you enjoy, expressing your outrage in social action, letters, donations, volunteering, marches, protests…

Social

o   Individuals that are in your life that you trust and can turn to when needed. Allows you to feel connected to others.

Meeting new people, volunteering, asking for help when needed, maintaining health boundaries with others, maintaining your commitments made…

Professional

o   Maintaining clear professional boundaries, sharing your strengths and talents, and living your life and following your passions outside of work.  

Actually take a lunch break, being clear with your roles and responsibilities for your day to day, remind yourself that you can negotiate your needs to be met…

Environmental

o   Clean, clutter free, organized work, business and personal environment. 

Not littering, monitoring your technology time, decluttering your house, cleaning your clothes on a regular basis, taking care of your car/bike…

Spiritual

o   Beliefs and values that guide you and that are important to your life.

Spending time in nature, connect with community, be aware of nonmaterial aspects of life, don’t be the expert at all times, meditation…

Financial

o   Being responsible with your finance and having a conscious relationship with money. 

Knowing how much income is coming in, knowing what your expenses are, keeping your insurances up to date, completing taxes on time, saving for future events…

Usually people are not naturally - equally good at being aware of and maintaining all 8 categories of self-care at once. They are going to fluctuate given the person, time of year, work schedule, life happenings, etc. Maybe you are a highly spiritual individual so that category is always overflowing but you are not fiscally tuned in. So maybe spending some time and creating space for new financial self-care skills could assist you and your overall well-being.

 As pretty much everything does, certain aspects of self-care look different during the times of COVID-19 because our schedules are out of whack, there is a lot of uncertainty going around, everything has gone virtual, school is cancelled, anxiety is high and I could just keep going on and on with all the changes but I’ll stop there.

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Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC

Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY

I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.

The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.

COVID-19 Resources

With any change, even the ones we plan for, we are going to have some difficulties transitioning and adjusting to the new. It’s wired deep down inside of us to be hesitant towards change (even when we know it’s good for us).

Because no human is perfect and all humans have mental health concerns, we all had some degree of mental health symptoms (anxiety, depression, sadness, fear, worry, phobias, etc…) present before COVID-19.

So in this situation, no wonder most people are struggling to adjust to this “new norm”. A pandemic is NOT something good and it is NOT something we prepared/planned for and it is NOT in our control. Plus the very uncertain time frame for how long it’ll be here for…surely makes a lot of room for mental health symptoms to increase and rise to the surface.

In this post we will focus on the ways each and every one of our lives has changed over the past couple of weeks due to COVID-19.

Now because there are so many different ways this has all affected us and we all have such unique situations, I am not going to be able to touch on every single shift, symptom and coping skill but I am going to do my best to focus on three of the biggest changes and the symptoms people are experiencing and some actionable skills to assist you in getting through this.

So I have broken it into three different categories: SOCIAL DISTANCING, WORK, AND SCHOOL

Common Symptoms:

EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENTLY TO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS, so don’t compare yourself to others. If you neighbor is over there “looking” fine and doing all sorts of renos on their house. Go them, but you aren’t them. If you are over there watching Netflix, go you. You do you. We are each unique in how we digest information and how we react to it. Check in with yourself and evaluate the new and changing symptoms you are experiencing and compare them with your baseline and history. You have had things happen to you in the past that you had no control of. How did you work through and tackle those? Use that data to help reframe this situation as best as it can.

• Some people may be experiencing

  • changes in sleep and eating habits

  • increased fear and worry

  • difficulties concentrating

  • increase usage of alcohol or other substances

  • symptoms of anxiety (rapid breathing, overthinking, sweating, trembling, pressure in chest, feelings of restlessness, etc)

  • depressive symptoms (fatigue, loss of interest/pleasure in activities, hopelessness, discontentment, mood swings, agitation, excessive crying, thoughts of harming or killing yourself etc.)

    • Please call 911 or national hotline at 1-800-273-8255 if you are having thoughts of harming or killing yourself or others

Transitions:

• Social Distancing

  • Not being able to see friends and family, cancelled/postponed trips and events, not having the freedom to go out to our favorite restaurant, bars, shops, museums, gyms…

  • Skills: Take breaks, take care of your health, unwind, and connect

    • Take breaks. Like real breaks, not ones that consist of mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Get outside, phone a friend, go for a walk, watch a comedy show, do a favorite hobby, etc. Doesn’t have to be long but it does need to happen multiple times throughout your day. We forget that we naturally have some breaks built into our days (commuting to and from work, running errands, walking here and there, etc) so during these times when we are pretty much staying in one place, we just need to be more mindful to give ourselves the baseline of breaks, but also maybe even more due to the heightened stress.

    • Take care of your health.

      • Food: Make sure you are staying on schedule and eating as your normal do. It is suggested to have three meals a day and some snacks. Make sure you are drinking PLENTY of water. Also a great time to explore new recipes, eat clean and support local when you can!

      • Physical: When it’s nice out GET OUTSIDE. Soak in the sun. Go for a walk. Workout. Move your body. I know Shred415, Inner Warrior, and all sorts of other gyms are providing free and paid for virtual workouts. Take advantage!

      • Mind: Meditate, do mindfulness based activities, focus on your breathing, sitting still and in silence, listen to calming music, unplug from your phone, stop the mindless scroll on social media from time to time…

    • Unwind. Do things that you enjoy. Whatever you used to do on your time off, see if you can still do it (just from the safety of your own home). Lots of adults don’t have hobbies and I have been seeing this great post go around saying “In retrospect, I should’ve developed more hobbies beyond “going out to eat”. This is SO true for so many and what can help you in finding these hobbies is thinking back to what you used to do as a kid and see if you can pick any of those back up. Maybe it was dance, volleyball, running, drawing, singing, writing music, reading, organizing, painting, knitting…

    • Connect. Use technology for all its good! Lots of us have our phones tied to our hands all day every day and are very accustomed to using it for work, social media and calling/texting/facetiming someone for a short conversation.

      • The way we are now having to use technology to connect is a bit different so we need to reframe how we think about it. We need to remove its professional identify (for example using zoom for social things and not just work) and take the pressure off of it (for example you don’t have to call someone to ask them a question you can simply just call to call). You can have a virtual happy hour, game night, watch Netflix together with the Chrome extension, workout together, etc. And don’t forget to talk about non COVID topics too!

• Work

  • Working from home, going into work and having new hygiene and safety rules and regulations, working more hours, getting laid off, being on lack of work

  • Skills: make a schedule, follow the rules. lean on your community and the government for support

    • Make a schedule (similar to your typical one) wake up, get dressed, and if at all possible set up your office in a designated “work” area. I know not everyone’s living situations will allow for you have a legit office and desk but what we want to avoid is your couch turning into the catch all. Where you work, where you eat, where you watch TV, where you video chat people, etc. We want to create some type of separation physically so then mentally it will be easier for you to transition from “work mode” to “home mode”.

    • Follow your work guidelines if you are going into work still. Wash your hands, don’t touch your face, maintain social distancing at the workspace and remind yourself that this is all new so don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake or are slower at your job duties. The hygiene hyper-vigilance and extra precautions are not to be annoying, they are for your safety.  

    • Lean on your community. Font line workers may be doing overtime or working well over their typical schedule in order to meet the demands of this virus. During this time rely on your community and loved ones for support. Maybe it is doing grocery delivery, takeout meals, or having a friend drop off meals for you so you don’t have to spend the time in public at the store. Maybe it means relaxing the duties around the house so when you come home you can do your essentials and do to bed. Maybe it would be helpful to make your house or room a CALM sanctuary and only allowing things in there that make you feel good. Prioritize yourself and your safety during this time and maybe let the non essential household duties and expectations be more relaxed during these times.

      • Take lots of deep breaths, knowing that help is there for you and that it is okay to ask for help. For discounted online therapy session from licensed mental health professionals around the nation check out https://www.coronavirusonlinetherapy.com

    • Rely on the government aid during this time. If you have been laid off during this time, push the stigma of receiving financial assistance from others aside and take care of yourself and your family. No one saw this coming. No one could have prepared for these happenings. You being laid off has nothing to do with you and your work ethic and has all the things to do with protecting you and others from this virus. Surround yourself with loved ones, lovely things and rely on the community and government to get you through these hardships.

• School

  • Kids being home from school, figuring out what to do for childcare, navigating online classes, your classes being cancelled, graduations being cancelled, end of the year celebrations being cancelled…

  • Skills: Breathe, re organize priorities, lower expectations and reframe

    • Breathe. If you have kids and they are out of school or their childcare has stopped. Breathe. You don’t need to do it all. Reminder that you are just one person who had NO TRAINING for this. Be open with your employer about the situation (sure they will already be in the know). Lower your expectations and be kind to yourself and do what you can do without losing your mind! You aren’t going to be able to do it all (perfect employee, homeschool teacher, cleaner, master chef, gardener, etc.).

    • Re organize priorities. If you are in classes and they have been moved online. Adaption is going to be key here. Online classes aren’t everyone’s favorite I know, but the plus side is that your school is allowing you to complete your course online and not making you retake the entire semester. Reframe. Not ideal, but could be worse.

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Written by Shannon Gonter

I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.

The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.