Many people learned at a young age
that they were not supposed to express certain emotions or any emotions at all. As a child when you hurt yourself or were feeling intense emotions, you were told to “rub some dirt on it”, “stop crying like a girl”, or to “grow up”. You were expected to “walk it off” or “suck it up” when you were struggling, hurt, scared, etc.
Perhaps throughout your childhood you became so good at hiding your emotional responses that by the time you became an adult you were entirely unaware of your emotions and how to express them - and not just for the “bad” emotions - but for all of them.
how emotional suppression shows up in your day to day life…
Focusing on others
Feeling more comfortable talking about others, rarely sharing your true feelings, opinions, or thoughts, changing the subject when it turns to you…
Engaging in high-risk activities
Feeling a short term rush of something by partaking in experiences that may put you or someone else in danger.
emotions = weakness and failure
Believing that crying and expressing certain emotions is connected to being less than or failing in some way
Difficulties connecting to your body
Not being able to identify where you feel certain emotions in your body (when you are nervous = feel tightness in your stomach, when you are sad = feel hot in the face, etc.)
Physical symptoms
Persistent headaches, digestive issues, or physical pains…
Expressing only 1 or a few emotions
Being annoyed at everything no matter what it is or cycling between only anger, annoyance and being “fine”- but not experiencing other emotions such as sadness, excitement, joy, fear, etc.
Feel disconnected
Hard time comprehending your own feelings and truly connecting and being understood in relationships with others.
Physical aggressiveness
Easily annoyed and feeling a release or relief happen after throwing things, hitting, kicking, biting, etc. (can be focused towards self or others)
Difficulties with sleep
Sleeping too much, not being able to fall asleep when you want, frequent wakings…
Feeling restless
Often on edge, because your thoughts are always racing and you cant turn your brain off.
Increased substance use
Way of “disconnecting”, “numbing” or “getting a break” from thoughts and feelings that are at the surface.
Self harming thoughts or actions
Finding a way of feeling something through physical harm inflicted on self (burning, cutting, pulling, restricting…)
Suicidal thoughts or actions
Thinking about or taking action on thoughts that just want relief by “ending it all”, “not wanting to feel like this anymore”, or “don’t want to burden others”. If you are experiencing thoughts of harming or killing yourself or others please call 988 or 911 for immediate assistance.
Suppression of emotions looks different for all of us, can happen on a conscious or unconscious level, and can happen very quickly or slowly over years. It can be with just one emotion, a group of emotions or all of them.
Just because you have found a way (or several ways) to ignore our feelings on the surface - that does not mean that the emotion and its impact has been erased from your body. It just means that you are now having to focus more internal energy towards constantly burying those feelings.
Contrary to what we were taught - it has not been and will never be sustainable for us to shut down the emotional sides of ourselves. It is human nature to feel and experience the world in this way and that cannot be separated from us.
How you can Explore it by yourself…
Take care of yourself. Go for a walk, run, workout, coffee break, go see your favorite band or comedian, make plans with your friends or hang out with your family. Surround yourself with the things and people that you love.
But when your typical, go-to skills don’t work and you just can’t shake it, it could be a sign that you need something more.
Are you feeling stuck? Continue to see the same patterns play out in your life? If so, it’s time to take control of your future. Since humans are natural problem-solvers, it can be difficult to get out of the “fixing” mindset - but therapy is something that can assist with that.
You are not alone in your thoughts, feelings or struggles. Remember that it is normal to seek assistance from a professional.
HOW I CAN HELP…
I am here to challenge the viewpoint that in order to be a “real man” or an “independent woman” you have to hide your emotions, be a “warrior”, handle it alone, and grind forever.
We will work together to build up your emotional and relational intelligence as well as get you to a space where you feel more connected to self and confident in navigating your personal and professional life.
A lot of us were not explicitly taught a lot of things about emotions. We just felt things and came to our own conclusions about that sensation based on the information we had at the time. This often forced us to categorize feelings quickly as “good” or “bad” or “okay” or “not okay”, etc.
Then we get to adulthood and have little to no framework to build off of when we actually want to start exploring and learning about the different thoughts, feelings and sensations that live inside of us. This can sometimes leave us in a vulnerable, rocky space. So I get it - emotions are not easy and are not things that our logical minds can always “make sense of”. But I promise you that they are important to our human survival and if given the opportunity to listen to our internal emotional experiences - our feelings have a lot of important things to tell us.
Always remember - you are not alone and there is support out there for you.
Other specializations: emotional suppression, perfectionism, and expectations
