Mental Health Stigma
People don’t think twice about hiring an interior designer if they don’t have experience decorating houses, or hiring a wedding planner to coordinate their wedding weekend, or have pause about paying a plumber to come in and do some work.
People don’t think twice about hiring an interior designer if they don’t have experience decorating houses, or hiring a wedding planner to coordinate their wedding weekend, or have pause about paying a plumber to come in and do some work.
For real, if a friend was complaining to you about keeping up their yard, the conversation wouldn’t get too deep before you suggested to hire a lawn care company to help them out. Or if your friend cut their own hair and it didn’t turn out looking too hot, you may suggest making an appointment with a trained hair stylist the next time they need a hair cut.
For the most part we can all agree that there is nothing wrong with seeking out additional support from a trained professional when needed and that we often are in search of others that we can rely on.
But sadly, when it comes to our internal states and our emotions, the story changes dramatically.
With counseling and mental health, the picture that is painted of someone who seeks professional assistance from a trained mental health professional is that they are weak, damaged, not strong enough to handle it on their own, broken, have a lot of things wrong with them and on and on.
I call BS on that.
Individuals who enter therapy are strong, capable people who want to understand themselves and the world around them a little bit better and grow with the every changing demands our world places on us.
The idea that entering counseling is something “weak” people do is shifting more and more as the years pass (thank goodness) but unfortunately the stigma is still there. Mental Health Louisville is an initiative in Louisville, KY aiming to rid the city of the mental health stigma. I hope more of the same mission driven agencies pop up around the nation because this is not just an issue in KY, it’s everywhere.
I am Shannon Gonter and I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
What Self-care Is and Is Not
Self-care is intentional, necessary and caring. Self-care isn’t selfish, expensive, adding more of, or crisis management.
Self-care is…
Intentional…
Time set aside for you to focus on you. Uh yah duh. But honestly all of us would probably answer “yes” to the question of “do you care for yourself” but those same people who answered yes to that question would probably be stumped by the question “how do you care for yourself on a day to day basis”.
Necessary…
For survival as a human living in our high-pressured culture. It should be something that “refuels us, rather than takes from us” as Agnes Wainman stated. If going for a walk in your “self-care” for the day but you dread it every day and cancel on yourself most days, that isn’t self-care. That is a chore.
Caring…
Taking care of your mental, emotional and physical health is what self-care is grounded in. We often forget to slow down and care for ourselves throughout our busy days of caring for others or knocking things off the ‘to do’ list.
Self-care is not…
Selfish…
In order to do it we do need to consider our needs, and this commonly gets mixed up with selfishness. But remember that we often need to do a better job at caring for ourselves so we can take better care of and model for others how to do the same for themselves. Meaning; if you don’t care for yourself appropriately, you will not be in the place to care for your loved ones either.
Expensive…
I mean some self-care items can be expensive and most commonly we think about getting massages, going on a retreat or getting our nails done as ‘self-care’. But there are so many self-care items we can do throughout our days that are free (going for a walk, setting boundaries with work or a friend, drinking water throughout the day, brushing our teeth multiple times a day…).
Adding more of…
You shouldn’t be forcing yourself to do self-care. It shouldn’t be something you are dreading doing at the beginning or end of your busy day. It should be intentionally integrated throughout and bring joy to your day.
Crisis management…
Not intended to only be used when you are “super stressed” or “burned out”. Self-care items should be integrated into your days and routine to AVOID getting to those high levels of stress and that lead to emotional and physical burn out.
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Different Types of Self Care
There are 8 common categories that self-care typically falls under. They will be identified and defined in this blog and you will be provided with examples that can be easily brought into your life.
There are 8 common categories that self-care typically falls under. They will be identified and defined in this blog and you will be provided with examples that can be easily brought into your life.
Physical
Involves movement, health, sleep, diet, touch and intimacy.
Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner (everyday)
Eat healthier
Exercise
Get medical care for prevention
Seek medical care when needed
Take time off work
Get a massage
Get enough sleep
Take a nap
Wear clothes you like and feel good in
Take a day trip or mini vacation
Dance
Swim
Walk
Run
Play
Be sexual (with yourself or partner/partners)
Psychological
Involved learning something new, thinking, engaging motivation from within, expression through creativity and intentionality.
Allow yourself time to self-reflect on an event, your day, or your life
Find a counselor
Journal
Read something that is non school/work related
Let others see different aspects of yourself
Be curious
Say “no” to extra responsibilities
Put your phone down and do a “digital detox”
Listen to your thoughts, beliefs, judgements, attitudes, and feelings (your inner dialogue)
Emotional
Enhances emotional literacy, assists one in navigating emotions, increasing empathy, managing stress more effectively, and develop compassion for self and others.
Spend time with those who you enjoy
Stay in contact with people from your past
Love yourself
Play
Express your outrage in social action, letters, donations, volunteering, marches, protests…
Allow yourself to cry
Be aware of your own boundaries
Journal (focused on gratitude)
Social
Individuals that are in your life that you trust and can turn to when needed. Allows you to feel connected to others.
Go meet new people
Volunteer
Do intramural sports league
Ask for help when needed
Join a committee or networking community outside of work
Maintain boundaries with others
Be consistent and honor your commitments made (do what you say you are going to do)
Professional
Maintaining clear professional boundaries, sharing your strengths and talents, and living your life and following your passions outside of work.
Remind yourself that you can negotiate for your needs to be met
Eat a full meal at lunch away from your desk
Set and maintain clear professional boundaries (not responding to emails on your lunch break)
Take part in professional development opportunities
Be clear on your roles and responsibilities for your day to day
Environmental
Clean, clutter free, organized work, business and personal environment.
Cleaning your clothes on a regular basis
Cleaning your dishes on a regular basis
Decluttering your house
Taking care of your car
Recycling when you can
Not littering
Monitoring your technology time
Spiritual
Beliefs and values that guide you and that are important to your life.
Spend time with nature
Find a spiritual connection or community
Be aware of nonmaterial aspects of life
Try to NOT be the expert at times
Be open to not knowing things
Make time for reflection
Identify what is meaningful to you
Listen to inspirational things
Read inspirational literature
Meditate
Go on a retreat
Financial
Being responsible with your finance and having a conscious relationship with money.
Knowing how much income is coming in
Knowing what your expenses are
Knowing how much your expenses are on a month to month basis
Keeping all insurances up to date
Completing taxes on time, and responsibly
Saving money for near future items or vacations
Saving money for far away future endeavors
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Hear The Silence
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
Humans are natural problem solvers so when we feel an emotion that we do not understand, we want to figure out why it is there, what it is rooted in and how we are get rid of it. We do this by analyzing our thoughts and actions, venting and talking to friends and family, and maybe even talking with a professional counselor. The troublesome thing is that sometimes after doing all of that, we still feel stumped by our emotions and haven’t fully cracked the code on them.
This can be frustrating (of course) and leave us feeling ineffective and like we don’t have control of what’s going on inside of it. What I am going to suggest is to STOP. Dont do what you usually do. Dont go down that investigative crime stopper path and just be still. Hear the silence.
Since childhood a majority of us were taught to fill moments of silence with something (speech, action, moving your gaze…). This was either directly told to us as children or it was modeled to us by society and those around us. Very few times in our day to day are we in silence and typically when we do get to a silent space, we pick up our phones out of distraction, boredom or maybe even insecurity.
So for most silence isn’t something you are going to welcome with open arms. It is going to be awkward, or uncomfortable or make you feel like you just want to crawl out of your own skin; but hang in there and overtime you will learn to love, grown and thrive within the silence. No longer needing to reach for that distraction and able to be with external stillness and find relief in the internal stillness.
What meditation can do is assist you in using the stillness and silence to open yourself up to being comfortable within the quietness and help you find your truth and maybe even those answers you are longing for. You will be surprised where you mind goes when you are safe and in true silence.
Try It Out:
Being Comfortable With Silence – Guided Meditation – Listen Here
Inner Calm Deep Relaxation – Listen Here
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Help Your Thoughts Go By Easily
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
thought
\ ˈthȯt \
Definition of thought
(Entry 1 of 2)
1: something that is thought: such as
a: an individual act or product of thinking
b: a developed intention or plan had no thought of leaving home
c: something (such as an opinion or belief) in the mind he spoke his thoughts freely
d: the intellectual product or the organized views and principles of a period, place, group, or individual
We have thoughts all day everyday. It is one of the functions (and a very important one) of our story telling brains.
Thoughts are typically helpful to us in our day to day lives but they can also be the fuel to anxiety, stress and other uncomfortable emotions. The harder we think about it (trying to ignore it usually); the more anxiety floods our minds and bodies. This process usually frustrates us and therefore sending us down another rabbit hole.
Sometimes to avoid that hole, it may help to focus your attention elsewhere, but there are times that our emotions have completely taken over and feels as if we don’t have control to focus our attention elsewhere and during these times is when meditation might be helpful in dealing with your thoughts and allowing them to go by.
Instead of trying to change where your mind is, try to shift how you view that emotion. For example, try to picture that emotion in your minds eye. Maybe it looks like a big storm cloud that downpours on your entire day. That sure doesn’t sound like fun. So during the meditation let’s try to clear, alter or shift that image. Maybe figuring out how it can look more like a light airy breeze that periodically comes by and chills you. What needs to happen within that picture to turn a storm into an inconsistent breeze? How can the scenery be shifted and changed to make it more welcoming? Mind seem a bit abstract in the moment, but a regular meditation practice can aid you in being able to do this with more ease.
Try it out now:
Free Your Mind – Guided Meditation – Listen Here
Guided Meditation – Quiet Mind For Anxiety And Negative Thoughts – Listen Here
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Allow Emotion
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
emotion
emo·tion | \ i-ˈmō-shən \
Definition of emotion
1a: a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body
b: a state of feeling
c: the affective aspect of consciousness : FEELING
2a: EXCITEMENT
There are so many emotions under the surface of the ones we verbalize. For example, when we say that we are mad, we are not just mad. We may feel hurt, hostile, or furious but it is easiest to identify that we are mad, so we go with that. We work through being mad, or vent to our loved ones, but in the end we have only brushed the surface. We haven’t got down to the bottom of it because we haven’t addressed the other emotions hiding behind “mad”.
Sometimes we pull these uncomfortable emotions close to us because they are familiar. Other times we push them away (tricky thing though is that sometimes the harder we push them away, the more they grow). The secret to living with all your emotions (yes even the uncomfortable ones) is to embrace these emotions, focus on the feelings, learn from those feelings, and move forward peacefully.
Advice for allowing emotion into your meditations:
1. Simply observe your emotions without trying to figure out why they are there, where they came from or how to get rid of them. Simply be with them and know that you are in a safe place.
2. Throughout your meditation try to focus your attention to where you feel emotion. Don’t name the emotion or place it in a “good” or “bad” emotion category. Just try to concentrate on it and how it feels, without naming it.
3. If becoming overwhelmed by an emotional, take deep, slow breaths throughout the meditation to reset your intentionality and thoughts.
Try it out now:
Guided Meditation – Release Negative Emotions – Listen Here
Identifying Stored Emotions And Releasing Tension – Listen Here
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To See Your Path
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
path
\ ˈpath , ˈpäth\
plural paths\ ˈpat͟hz , ˈpaths , ˈpät͟hz , ˈpäths \
Definition of path
(Entry 1 of 3)
1: a trodden way a winding path through the woods
2: a track specially constructed for a particular use a garden path of flagstones
3a: COURSE, ROUTEthe path of a meteor
b: a way of life, conduct, or thought decided on a career path in medicine
Advice on how to visualize your path while meditating:
1. Allow your mind to take you on a journey and down the path it gravitates to. Maybe the scenery is in the city, on a mountain, or on the beach. Whatever it may be, allow yourself to lead you to your answers.
2. With continued practice and consistency, meditation will come easier and easier. But until you get to a space where you are comfortable with your practice, be patient with yourself and where you are at on the journey to finding your path.
3. In order to find your path, you need to practice letting go of your thoughts as they come to you. Simply thank them for coming into your awareness and store them away for later. Focus your attention back on your breath, your mantra, or a fixed area within the room.
Try it out now:
Guided Meditation – Find Your Life Purpose – Listen Here
Finding Your Path Of Joy Meditation – Listen Here
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Relax The Body
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
If you are having difficulties relaxing certain muscles and find yourself tensing, try clenching your muscles tightly as you breathe in, and then releasing all the tension and relaxing as your breathe out.
Try it out now:
Guided Meditation – Blissful Deep Relaxation – Listen here
Compassionate Body Scan – Listen here
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Release Judgment
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
judg·ment | \ ˈjəj-mənt \
variants: or judgement
Definition of judgment
1a: the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing careful judgment of the odds
b: an opinion or estimate so formed is not worth doing in my judgment
2a: the capacity for judging : DISCERNMENTbe guided by your own judgment showing poor judgment
b: the exercise of this capacity a situation requiring careful judgment
As humans, it is hard not to judge. We can hardly help ourselves, it’s instinctual that we judge but also that we know it’s not right to judge others, so then we just end up judging ourselves! This endless cycle causes anxiety and uncomfortableness that make it difficult for us to press pause.
One thing that can assist you in finding the pause, or stop button is meditation. This intentional process can allow you to let go of the responsibility you have for others and frees you to focus on the more peaceful aspects of life.
Advise for releasing judgmental thoughts during your meditation practice:
1. During a meditation, acknowledge your judgmental thoughts that come up, thank them, and simply release them and return back to your meditation. This will happen often, so just repeat the process and continue your meditation process.
2. Throughout the meditation, try to replace the judgment with observance. The more and more curiosity you bring to the table, the easier it will be for you to turn your judgments into compassion.
3. Karma yoga focuses your meditation on serving others, and not yourself and this can assist in achieving a higher level of internal peace.
Try it out now:
Guided Meditation For Having No Judgement For Self Or Others - Listen here
Guided Meditation For Releasing Judgement - Listen here
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Manage Anger
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allowing it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add one more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
noun
a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
Chiefly British Dialect . pain or smart, as of a sore.
Obsolete . grief; trouble.
Verb
to arouse anger or wrath in.
Chiefly British Dialect . to cause to smart; inflame.
Anger is not just anger. Behind our anger lies rejection, grief, loneliness, a longing to reconnect, etc. When we ignore or repress our anger, we are always ignoring these other emotions as well.
Meditation is the midpoint between expressing and repressing anger. It allows us a space to stay present with it as it arises and recognize the many faces of anger. By doing this, we are able to become aware of our feelings to learn more about them and not be swept away by them.
Try It Out Now!
Releasing Anger – Listen here
Guided Mindfulness Meditation on Dealing with Anger – Listen here
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Calm Chaos
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
1. Find a quiet space
2. Sit or lie down and get comfortable
3. Close your eyes
4. Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
5. Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allow it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts for coming and return your focus back to your breath.
a. Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add on more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
Being in a state of chaos or a prolonged state of chaos can cause immence amounts of stress within your body and mind. When stress arises, a lot of us shut down, over react or lose track of what needs to be done. It is important to understand the mechanics of stress in order to bring more self-awareness to the front line and give you the upper hand in tackling it. The increased awareness will allow you to take better care of yourself, your family, friends and colleagues.
Things to know about stress and chaos:
1: Your body doesn’t care if it’s a big stress of a little stress, it still has an impact on the body.
2: Stress can make smart people do stupid things by inhibiting certain parts of the brain to work.
3: People can become numb to their stress due to being so used to the prolonged high levels of stress.
4: We can control how we respond to stress.
5: The best strategy to handle stress is to tackle it in the moment.
Try it out now!
Guided Meditation: Finding Calm in Chaos – Listen here
Guided Meditation For Inner Peace and Calm – Listen here
Written by Shannon Gonter, LPCC:
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
How Long Should Someone Be In Counseling For?
There is no set time frame, it looks different for each person. Therapy is a unique and flexible process that can be adapted to fit the needs of each and every client.
Specific to my practice and session length, the initial intake session will be 90 minutes long, and every session after that will be 50 minutes from start to finish. Every counselor has the autonomy to structure their sessions a bit different but typically the average therapy sessions is 50 minutes long.
In regard to the therapeutic process, it varies from person to person. Some presenting concerns can be dealt with in a brief period of time, but this is not always the case. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula to determine how long counseling will take and for most it may take several months or years.
One hour a week for 6 months is approximately 24 hrs of therapy totally just one day of your life….
During the therapeutic process, you and I will frequently check in on your progress towards goals and will be continually evaluating your need for counseling.
My goal is to ultimately help you reach a point where you don’t need counseling anymore. You may still have personal work to do, but you will have learned the skills you need to act as your own therapist over time.
Meditate To Let Go Of Drama
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation:thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness:the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
Find a quiet space
Sit or lie down and get comfortable
Close your eyes
Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allow it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts for coming and return your focus back to your breath.
Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add on more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
Dra-Ma [drah-muh]
An exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.
Drama is characterized by blame, wanting to be right, toxic fear and adrenaline. The drama pattern continues within your life because of learned behaviors from what was modeled for you as a child, things you saw in the media and the roles you learned from society. As humans, we have a bad habit of holding on to our dramatic feelings and mistaking them for parts of our core being. For some reason, they make us feel emotionally safe and it is comforting to take ownership of these anxieties. But with some hard work and courage, a meditation practice can assist you in no longer letting that drama define you and your internal state.
In order to let go of the drama…
Start meditating
During your meditations, visualize the drama, define the drama, understand the drama, and let go of the drama.
May help to use a tangible item during your meditations and visualize it as the drama and practice picking it up and setting it back down.
Written by:Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Meditate To Lower Anxiety Levels
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing. Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Welcome to the 10-part meditation blog series that focuses on the various ways that meditation can assist you and your overall wellbeing.
Each week I will publish a blog specifically dedicated to how a meditation practice can assist with lowering anxiety levels, seeing your path, help your thoughts go by more easily, etc.
Before diving into this week’s topic, I want to take some time to provide some definitions and answer some questions to ensure that we are all on the same page.
Meditation: thinking deeply or focusing one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation
Mindfulness: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis
Why should I care about meditation?
Because it has a direct connection to health benefits such as lower blood pressure, improved blood circulation, lower heart rate, less perspiration, slower respiratory rate, less anxiety, lower blood cortisol levels, more feelings of well-being, less stress and deeper relaxation.
Who should meditate?
EVERYONE! You don’t have to have some enlightened, spiritual abilities to practice meditation. You don’t have to be a yogi and go around saying namaste to everyone. You don’t have to know someone within the meditation community to be invited into it. Literally anyone from toddlers to elders can do and benefit from meditation.
Where should I start?
Take your time in trying out all different types of meditation and mindfulness activities to figure out what suites you best (resources provided below). After more and more time is spent meditating you will become more and more comfortable with the idea of being still and focusing your attention to your breath.
Quick Practice: Let’s Give It A Go!
Find a quiet space
Sit or lie down and get comfortable
Close your eyes
Breathe natural. Make no effort to control your breathing
Focus your attention on your breath. Observe your bodies movements with your breath. Focus your attention on your breath, remembering not to control it and allow it to flow in and out naturally. When your mind wanders, that’s okay, just thank your thoughts for coming and return your focus back to your breath.
Start with doing this for a few minutes, and then add on more time as your practice progresses.
Resources:
Books:
How to Walk, How to Sit, How to Eat, Reconciliation
Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness
Online:
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
YouTube:
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Pema Chodran
Sharon SalzBurg
Tara Brach
Apps:
Lowering Anxiety Levels
anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee]
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Meditation…
Breaks Anxious Thought Patterns
A common symptom of anxiety is having racing negative and obsessive thoughts that create a vicious cycle of worry within your mind. Meditation can reduce rumination and the break negative thought patterns by increasing your control over random unwanted thoughts and decreasing your tendency to worry by altering the way your brain responds to stress. For example, instead of following your negative thought down the rabbit hole, you learn to view your thoughts differently and recognize it for what it is – a thought – and let it go. Thank goodness to neuroplasticity and your brains endless capacity to change!
Balances Brain Chemicals
Anxiety is brought on by various factors (personality type, emotional trauma, genes, prolonged exposure to stress…) and sometimes causes an imbalance of chemicals within the brain (GABA and serotonin). A meditation practice can assist in restoring the balance of neurotransmitters within the brain by increasing GABA (neurotransmitter connected to feeling happy and relaxed) and serotonin (another neurotransmitter connected to being happy) and decreasing cortisol (stress hormone).
Builds A Healthier Brain
Based on research and scans, individuals who have a regular meditation practice show dramatically larger amounts of gray matter, the volume of the hippocampus, thickness of the cortex, increased blood flow to the brain, improved neural connections between various parts of the brain and decreased size of the amygdala (controls autonomic responses associated with fear, arousal, and emotional stimulation).
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
What To Do If You Run Into Your Ex
No matter who is doing the breaking up, break ups are hard (like really hard). And the tough parts don’t end after the official break up conversation happens. It lingers, it follows us around. It is near impossible to break up with someone and not have them cross your mind again (downfall to memories is they don’t leave your brain when the person physically leaves your life). It could be as simple as seeing or hearing things that remind you of your ex-partner for just a brief moment. Hard skill to learn, but a must do after a break up is to learn the appropriate coping skills to use to not allow those reminders of your ex derail your day.
No matter who is doing the breaking up, break ups are hard (like really hard). And the tough parts don’t end after the official break up conversation happens. It lingers, it follows us around. It is near impossible to break up with someone and not have them cross your mind again (downfall to memories is they don’t leave your brain when the person physically leaves your life).
It could be as simple as seeing or hearing things that remind you of your ex-partner for just a brief moment. Running into your ex doesn’t just have to be in thoughts and memories, it could also be in the form of physically having to cross paths with them. Maybe you have mutual friends, go to the same school, or live in the same city, therefore having a higher potential of running into them face to face after the break up.
Hard skill to learn, but a must do after a break up is to learn the appropriate coping skills (that work for you) to not allow those reminders of your ex to derail your entire day.
Uh. Did I just hear you all say, “yeah, no thank you, I’m going to avoid my ex like the plague”?
I get it. I’m right there with you, no one wants to run into their ex (especially unplanned) but remember that we cannot control the actions of others, and we definitely cannot alter our entire life schedule so drastically just to avoid confrontation with one person.
What we can do though is plan (if you know me at all, you know that planning is my best friend).
Below we will uncover 6 steps you can take to handle the uncomfortable situation of running into your ex with as much grace as possible and keeping yourself safe in the process.
1. Consider the circumstances and react accordingly.
Take into consideration how your relationship ended. Was it on neutral terms? Was there unhealthy dynamics between the two of you? Emotional, physical, sexual, or financial abuse? Take some time to think back to this time and react accordingly to the situation at hand.
Let’s say you are walking into TacoTaco for lunch and from the sidewalk looking through the window you see your ex standing in line. You could 1) walk in and get your lunch and if you happen to make eye contact with them smile or have some small talk 2) wait outside for a few minutes till your ex is out of line and then go in 3) not get your lunch there today, and go somewhere else.
Those that ended on more neutral grounds, options #1 or #2 would be a good fit for you.
For those that ended on not so hot terms or there was safety concerns within the relationship, option #3 might be a good one for you (sorry no tacos today but sometimes you have to remember that in order to keep yourself safe you may need to avoid contact with this person altogether).
2. Accept that this may happen again.
Dependent on the size of your city, or if your run with the same crowd, you may run into your ex again. Prepare yourself for this, and put the work in to get yourself to a space where you can be comfortable with this possibility and not have to completely alter where you go and who you hang out with in order to avoid seeing your ex. If you still have feelings for your ex and find yourself getting emotional even thinking about them, this is a sign that 1) normal and 2) you are needing to spend a little bit more time grieving the loss of the relationship and doing some self-care and exploration either alone, or with a trained professional.
3. Know that you’re not obligated to catch up.
Remember that you are broken up. You do not have an obligation to catch up and act “normal” if you run into your ex. If you run into your ex and aren’t in the emotional space to talk or just don’t want to, then let them know that you are super busy right now and have a lot going on.
Do- “Nice to see you, wish we could catch up, but I actually have a lot on my plate today to get done. Let’s talk later.
Don’t- “I’m really busy right now and don’t have a lot of time and honestly don’t want to waste time talking to you (eye roll)”.
4. Stick to your guns.
If you run into each other, or don’t, if you talk to each other or avoid each other. Either way, your ex will be in your head at some point and time. Don’t let yourself waiver on what you know is right for you just because during a run in with your ex he/she said, “you look good”. After a comment like that, emotions will be brought up (no matter how much you try to push them down) but take some deep breaths and try your hardest to bring yourself back to a space where you can refocus your attention back on yourself and your goals.
5. Don’t put on a show.
Be true to yourself and your feelings. Though it can be tempting to act as if and want to throw it in your exes face that you don’t need them, and that you’re better off without them. Sometimes that’s not the case, and it is normal to go through a grieving process after the loss of a relationship. Give yourself the space needed to wrap your head, heart and body around this transition.
6. Stick to your normal routine.
Do what you normally do. If you usually go to the gym in the morning, keeping going in the morning, if you usually go to trivia on Wednesdays, keep going on Wednesdays. During this tough transition, sometimes people find comfort in their routine. No need to completely shift your schedule out of fear of running into your ex.
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
10 Ways To Tell That You Are Stressed AF With Wedding Planning & What To Do About It
If you find yourself stressed AF at times throughout your planning process, it’s totally okay (and so normal). But if you feel like you’re starting to drown in uncharted waters that have become your wedding plans, you might want to slow down and take a breather.
If you find yourself stressed AF at times throughout your planning process, it’s totally okay (and so normal). But if you feel like you’re starting to drown in uncharted waters that have become your wedding plans, you might want to slow down and take a breather.
So how do you know the difference between normal wedding stress and stressed AF stress?
And what do you do if you realize that you are nearing or at the stressed AF spot?
We all know planning any event, let alone your wedding, isn’t going to be stress free. And I’m not trying to get you to a space where you feel light as a feather and don’t have a care in the world. Because you should have some cares (I mean it’s your wedding) and it’s completely normal to feel varying levels of stress during the months of planning for you and your partners big day. But when you start feeling bogged down or notice you’re not enjoying the process anymore, you need to take a moment to reevaluate what’s going down.
Below I will break down the top 10 signs to look out for that your stressed AF and various coping skills that you can implement to push you back into the “normal” wedding stress waters.
1. You are no longer enjoying the process of wedding planning.
Remember how excited you were before you got engaged? Planning and thinking about how great it’s going to be to plan your wedding together. Remember the day when you got engaged and how amazing that moment was? Now take some time and look at how planning is trucking along for you now. Are you still in that same excited state or do you feel like you are so consumed with pleasing everyone else? If you answered yes to the latter, maybe it’s time to take a step back and clear your head so you can remember more clearly those fond memories. Also, to take note that this is also a time to start creating new memories and to not have this time remembered as stressful, or even painfully emotional.
2. You are procrastinating a ton on all things wedding.
Procrastination for wedding planning looks a bit different than what procrastination in high school looked like. Unlike the way procrastination plays out in school where you might be able to piece together a last-minute paper that receives a passing grade, most people don’t want to memories of their wedding to be barely stitched together. In order to address the putting off all things wedding, you need to delegate wedding planning tasks and keep the planning moving forward.
3. You are constantly sick.
Stress is a sneaky son of a gun and can show up in our lives in several different ways. Some of the most common are: headaches, stomach aches, muscle pain or tension, low energy, reduced sex drive, grinding teeth, insomnia, chest pain and nervousness. If you notice these symptoms being a constant in your life, this is a way your body is telling you that it is time to destress.
4. Eloping doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea.
If you have decided to elope in the first place, good for you! How fantastic. But if you are in the middle of planning your wedding ceremony and reception and are considering throwing the entire thing off to go to city hall because you fear going insane if you don’t. It is time to chill out. You are in the danger zone and need to channel your original idea and get excited for your wedding again!
5. Planning is taking over your life and it’s all you ever talk about.
If you have stopped doing things that you love and that make you happy, it is time to dial things back a bit the best way to address this is to realize that wedding planning needs to fit into your life, not the other way around.
6. You have set unrealistic expectations for the big day.
We all know that nothing in this world is perfect (and yes that includes your wedding). So, with that knowledge, instead of aiming for perfection, try shooting for excellence. This shift in thought may assist in helping you to relax and soften your expectations.
7. You and your fiancé are constantly fighting.
If you and your fiancé are bickering back and forth more so than positive exchanges, this might be a sign your both stressed AF. The reset button is needed to be pushed (stat). Schedule a date night where wedding planning talk is completely off the table and just spend this time enjoying each other’s company and remembering why you are getting married.
8. You are trying to do it all, alone.
If you have a wedding planner, great. Remember that you are paying them to assist in planning your wedding, so let them do their job. Not saying you need to hire a wedding planner, not everyone needs them and that’s totally fine. But you shouldn’t be the only one steering the ship when it comes to the big day. Focus on the items that excite you and delegate the rest to your partner, parents, friends, and family. You won’t regret it!
9. You are falling back into unhealthy behaviors.
Find yourself drinking too much? Smoking again? Not working out? Having negative thoughts? This often happens when you are at the end of your rope. Get help fast and don’t let yourself fall back onto your maladaptive coping skills. Suggestion to lean on your friends and family for support, find a motivating workout buddy, or seek assistance from a professional therapist.
10. You are constantly annoyed by everyone around you.
Notice that you are on edge each time someone brings up your wedding? Can’t seem to relax when others around you give their 2 cents about the dos and don’ts of weddings? Two big signs that you are way too stressed and are needing to refocus your thoughts. Try to focus on why you are getting married in the first place and look at it from a broader scope and not hyper focused on every single, minute detail.
If you are aligning with more than one of these warning signs, keep reading (and if you aren’t, keep reading too because errybody could use some more self-care in their lives)!
How To Take Care Of Yourself During This Naturally Stressful Time
Meditate
Download a mindfulness app, or go to YouTube to find a recorded meditation to follow. Mindfulness can do wonders for the mind, body and soul.
Consider softening scents
Lavender, jasmine, chamomile, and basil have great soothing powers. Dab some essential oil onto your wrists to shift your mood quickly or use a scented candle or brew a floral tea.
Adopt a mantra
I will listen to my partners opinions.
I will forgive.
I will understand that the world doesn’t revolve around my wedding.
I will remember what this day is about.
I will not feed into the drama.
I will stay positive.
I will take care of myself.
I will be gracious.
Allow yourself to be nervous
Fear often accompanies pre-wedding excitement and joy. Its normal, healthy even, to question this lifetime commitment and just because you have concerns, doesn’t mean you don’t want to get married.
Jot down your feelings
Journal about the experience. This is a safe and accessible way for you to express the emotions you’ve kept bottled up.
Don’t be afraid to delegate
You can’t do it all on your own (though you are quite super). Enlist your friends and family to help during the planning stage and for day of preparation.
Pamper yourself
Treat yo self. Go get a pedi or mani, take a long hot bath, get a massage or a facial and think about keeping that balance in your life.
Take care of yourself
Exercise has positive emotional and psychological effects. Go out for a walk or run, dance around your kitchen, or go to a workout class. Any type of physical movement will help produce more uplifting and stress stabilizing endorphins.
Stay connected with your fiancé
If you have any concerns about your upcoming nuptials (it’s okay), find the courage to tell your partner. Some say that if you two can weather the storms of your engagement anxiety together, it bodes well for the rest of your marriage.
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter LPCC, NCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Yep. Its summer again.
Schools letting out, graduations are happening, more daylight is here and maybe even time for a vacation or two. Lots of exciting things happening…
Schools letting out, graduations are happening, more daylight is here and maybe even time for a vacation or two. Lots of exciting things happening…
Now most of you are probably like “heck yes, finally I love the warm weather” and then the other half of you are out there like “wait, wtf why do I still have to be at work when it’s so nice out”. Uh reality. I know, it sucks sometimes. Now, we can usually alter our schedules a little and maybe take off a little early on a Friday and go to the park and enjoy the weather or use some of our time off to take a vacation to the beach. But we don’t always have control of how our bodies naturally adjust to the season changes.
So much good can come with seasonal changes, and maybe you are one of the lucky ones who transitions smoothly, and if so, rock that out and enjoy every moment of finding your perfect summer work – life balance. But for those who struggle every couple months when the seasons change, and can identify with how frustrating these times can be, keep reading.
The transition may be frustrating because you feel a change in your emotions or overall mood, and don’t know why. I have a lot of clients express a dip in their emotions during seasonal changes, but I also have clients who express an elevated mood and feelings of spontaneity during the summer. Though this boost can be refreshing after the dark of winter and the rain of spring, it can also be difficult because you are SO eager to get outdoors and stay out to enjoy ALL the activities and soak up ALL the sun.
But reality check, you can’t do it all, you’ve got to prioritize!
Here are some tips that might help you adjust to the “boost” summer might bring and how to maintain some balance in your day to day.
Sleep
Over the coming weeks, take note of your sleeping patterns and ask yourself: Am I sleeping more than usual? Less than usual? Am I napping and usually don’t? Am I feeling like I can go without sleep some nights in order to not miss out on the summer nights activities? Dependent on your answers, maybe you need to find more balance within your sleeping habits. It is important to note that if you wear yourself out in June, you might not be able to partake in the end of summer festivities as you originally planned. Our bodies have quite the memories and with age they don’t recuperate as nicely as they did in our younger years. This leaves you feeling drained and therefore less present and effective in your day to day life.
Drink
Drinking should always be a thing, all four seasons of the year, all day, erryday. An importance to drinking more during seasonal transitions though is that your body can adjust more quickly to heat and activity when you are well hydrated. This should go without saying, but I’m not talking about drinking more coffee here, or more beer, or more soda. I am talking about water, drink more water! If you are into drinking caffeinated drinks or alcohol, then even more reason to drink more water (after your beverage of choice of course).
I’m no cop, and I’m not here to tell you to stop drinking alcohol, to track the number of drinks you have or to change your relationship with alcohol. I am here to question and bring awareness to how your alcoholic intake might change with the seasons. Do you notice any changes during the summer with how much you drink? Where are you drinking? Are you drinking on the weekdays? Just on the weekends? Are you drinking alone? Socially? Just take some moments and answer these questions and truly evaluate if the answers align with your summer goals.
Exercise
Be creative with this one. I mean if you have a gym membership, by all means go there to get your sweat on! We all know how pricey those can be and don’t want you wasting your money. But maybe on your days off get outside and relieve some stress through different activities. Some examples are to go for a hike, play some volleyball, or rent a kayak. These can be great physical workouts to do alone, or with a group, as well as something that you can’t do year-round (like going to the gym) so try switching it up and see how you like it.
Bring your focus this summer into maintaining more balance, loving yourself, and relying on your community for nurturing and support.
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
You Cannot Change Anyone But Yourself (A Hard Lesson To Learn)
It is impossible to not notice the actions of others around you (friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, strangers online…) and it makes it highly difficult to separate those actions from yourself when those behaviors trigger you. I mean I even get annoyed of people’s behaviors that I don’t even know! Just seeing certain things online or hearing about a friend’s friend I cringe over certain actions and so desperately want to get ahold of their lives and whip them into shape!
Ever find yourself getting upset, angry, or frustrated by other people’s thoughts and behaviors? If you answered “yes” then…guess you’re alone on that one because no one else in this world does. Good luck in dealing with that. End of the post.
JUST KIDDING! I AND THE REST OF HUMANITY ARE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU.
It is impossible to not notice the actions of others around you (friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, strangers online…) and it makes it highly difficult to separate those actions from yourself when those behaviors trigger you. I mean I even get annoyed of people’s behaviors that I don’t even know! Just seeing certain things online or hearing about a friend’s friend I cringe over certain actions and so desperately want to get ahold of their lives and whip them into shape!
But. That’s not how life works.
The fact is, you only have control over YOUR thoughts, YOUR behaviors and YOUR emotions.
This concept has been drilled into us since an early age (but that doesn’t mean we know how to appropriately integrate it into our adult lives). Personally, I was told over and over by my parents that “they are looking for a reaction, if you just don’t react, they’ll stop picking on you”. But let’s be serious what 8-year-old (or 28-year-old) understands that logic and has the self-control to put that into action!?
Another thing that is so highly connected to this idea is that we can influence others behaviors, thoughts and emotions based off your responses and reactions. This concept is something I did not catch onto until I was a young adult and is honestly something I still have to learn over and over again. I have to continuously hold myself accountable and remind myself to focus on me and not the actions of others.
Some tips that have helped me remember this are:
Tip 1: Making changes in your own life helps give you perspective on the people around you.
When you come to terms with the very inconvenient truth that you cannot change others you can then explore how you feel about other people that you allow in your life. Is this someone that you need in your life? That benefits your life? That is in your life because you’ve known them for so long? Or because they have a lot of money? Or because they have a powerful holding over you? When you start to expect more from yourself, you start expecting more from the others in your life.
This takes time and won’t happen overnight. But I have seen through my personal path to wellness and with my clients that personal progress leads to heightened levels of confidence that creates more rewarding relationships. Simple fact is, when you get to know yourself better, you will get better at deciding who you should trust and surround yourself with.
Tip 2: Moving forward in your own growth demonstrates to others that change is possible.
New hope and curiosity can be sparked in those around you when they see the hard work and time you are putting into your emotional needs. From my experience and with the clients I have witnessed change in, it usually inspires other to do the same. This is no guarantee, so don’t come back to me when your partner doesn’t change their behaviors after you’ve spent months putting in the work on your end. Your motivation to move forward on your path to personal growth should not be fueled by wanting other people to change (and if it is then check yourself, because changes made for others are usually short lived).
Tip 3: You must be compassionate with yourself and be realistic in your expectations for yourself.
Be patient with yourself. Remember that this is a marathon, not a race. You have lived a certain way for decades, and it is going to take more than reading one blog (or several blogs) to make those changes set in for real. Suggestion during this time is to start small and honor the moments when you achieve one of your baby goals. Maybe its setting an appropriate boundary (and sticking with it). Possibly with your friend that you will not lend them money each month anymore, or maybe with your mom that you don’t need to tell her every little thing that happened throughout the day but that you’ll update each other on a weekly phone call.
Major take away:
Though other people might not be ready for change (and cannot be forced to change), and they may be more comfortable if you would just stay the same way you are now (to make themselves feel more comfortable with not changing). You’ve got to focus on yourself and get on the path to wellness and it is there that you will inspire yourself, honor the counseling process and maybe even encourage others on the path.
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
We All Love To Talk, Until It’s Our Turn To Have The ‘Difficult Conversation’
Your palms get sweaty, you feel that lump in your throat, you know you need to say something, but it just never feels like the right time. You don’t know where to start, but you know if you could just get that first word out it would all be better, but you just can’t. So, you hold it in, and you hold it in and then you hold it in a little bit more, until you can’t. And then you lose your shit and explode like no other either at that individual, or at someone totally uninvolved like the lady at Kroger who isn’t scanning your groceries fast enough.
Your palms get sweaty, you feel that lump in your throat, you know you need to say something, but it just never feels like the right time. You don’t know where to start, but you know if you could just get that first word out it would all be better, but you just can’t. So, you hold it in, and you hold it in and then you hold it in a little bit more, until you can’t. And then you lose your shit and explode like no other. Maybe at that individual, or at someone totally uninvolved like the lady at Kroger who isn’t scanning your groceries fast enough.
We’ve all been there, and it sucks. I want to take some time and share some steps you can take to better prepare for these difficult conversations (so you don’t explode on innocent bystanders). Now, this doesn’t mean that life will now be a breeze, and you’ll have a PHD in difficult conversations. I mean I don’t think you’ll be knocking on your neighbor’s door asking, “do you have anything really hard and worrisome to say to your boss or your partner today? If so, I’ll do it for you! I thoroughly enjoy having difficult conversations!” But I do think you will be able to prepare and approach these conversations from a different angle and in the end receive better results.
Before the conversation:
Define your needs (be direct and specific)
I know a lot of people like to skirt around the issue and take the scenic route to the point of conversation. But honestly that just makes it confusing (for all) and adds more pieces to the puzzle that don’t need to be there. Just ask yourself, “what am I wanting out of this conversation” and see what comes up for you (writing these things down often helps). When you take the time to do this it is easier to understand your true emotions about the subject and easier to separate them from the behavior you may want someone to change.
Start of the conversation:
Describe your emotions
Be cautious of how you start out the conversation. You want to create a calming, compassionate setting so the recipient doesn’t have to automatically put their defenses up. Try not to use all of nothing statements (you always do this, you always do that) or make assumptions (I bet you think I’m crazy…). I suggest using an I statement to start the conversation out. For example: don’t say “you always make me feel so sad”, maybe say “I feel sad. Can I talk to you about something? It’s been on my mind for a long time and I want to open up.”
Describe the situation
After your emotion-based starter statement and the environment has been set for your difficult topic, take a deep breath and go. Remember to be clear and concise.
How To
“I was worried and angry when you came home at 2am on a Tuesday night drunk.”
How Not To
“You are always coming home so late on weeknights, and you’ve clearly had over your limit to drink, you sure know how to push my buttons!”
Then, stop and take another deep breath and allow the other person to digest the information and respond accordingly. If this is the first time you are trying this out (and usually respond like the how not to example), the person on the receiving end might need some extra digestion time to adjust their expectations for the rest of the conversation. So try your best to be patient.
Open the conversation up for discussion and compromise
Now there is no guarantee about how this will go, and there are a couple different routes.
1) Maybe the other persons defenses are already so high, and they just aren't ready for that conversation and shut it down immediately.
2) Maybe the other person just isn’t ready for that conversation right now, so you set a time to revisit this topic after having some time to think it over.
3) Maybe a productive conversation is able to be had and a compromise or solution about how to move forward can be made.
Honestly, none of these responses are good or bad, or right or wrong, but they will give you a good idea of how steady of a ground your standing on in regards to that topic. Remember that this is not a one and done thing but is something that is ever evolving and may take more time with others than it does for you.
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
5 Things To Check In On This Spring
Along with the brighter days, fresh flowers and upcoming outdoor activities comes a period of transition for you and your health.
Along with the brighter days, fresh flowers and upcoming outdoor activities comes a period of transition for you and your health.
Be gentle with yourself
If you’ve been less active this winter season and fully embraced your hibernation, go you! Your body appreciates the resting time, but now it’s time to get back out there and smell the flowers (literally). Though it is time to come out of hibernation, remember to take it slow and listen to your body. It can sometimes be difficult to withhold yourself when you’ve been cooped up for so long but just try. Refrain from jumping right in and doing a marathon week one into spring. You need to get your body and muscles used to the warmer weather, more movement and conditioning (then go run your marathon)!
Throughout the early spring season keep an eye out on the following…
Eat in season
There is a deeper reason as to why certain foods are stocked on the Kroger shelves at varying times of the year. There are wise things to be said about eating for the season you are in. Foods that are currently growing have a direct connection to the needs of our bodies. For example, in the winter we usually eat more (or see more in Kroger) root vegetables and squashes, that are high in Vitamin D, to make up for the lack of sun we are receiving. In spring we eat (or walk by in Kroger) a lot of leafy greens, fruits, and raw vegetables that are full of antioxidants and provide us with a cleanse and tons of energy for the higher levels of physical activity that spring brings. So if you are typically one of the ones who walks by the seasonal foods in Kroger, maybe switch it up and try a bell pepper and hummus, or a leafy green salad for lunch this spring season.
Your drinking habits
Drinking should always be a thing, all four seasons of the year, all day, erryday. An importance to drinking more during seasonal transitions though is that your body can adjust more quickly to heat and activity when you are well hydrated. This should go without saying, but I’m not talking about drinking more coffee here, or more beer, or more soda. I am talking about water, drink more water! If you are into drinking caffeinated drinks or alcohol, then even more reason to drink more water (after your beverage of choice of course).
Bearing the pain
Allergies. We all know them, and we all hate them. To try and get ahead of the pollen and mold that spring brings, wash your hands and clothing after being outdoors and keep an eye on the pollen count. Suggested to stay indoors and keep windows shut when levels are high and to use a dehumidifier in areas that often get moist.
Also, changes in the air pressure, temperature and humidity levels often lead to heightened pain levels for those with joint and nerve pain. Certain foods and supplements may assist in making the pain more tolerable, but it is suggested that you contact your physician for further consult.
Check your mood
Though Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is commonly connected to fall and winter, it can also show up in spring and summer and often goes unnoticed because “you should be happy it is getting sunnier outside” or “you should just go for a walk now that its warmer and you’ll feel better”. Some things to be on the lookout for are high levels of anxiety, sleeplessness, exhaustion, agitation, changes in energy levels, feelings of worthlessness and deep sadness, and lack of appetite. Unfortunately, sunnier days and the ability to go for a walk outdoors aren’t always going to lessen these symptoms. Therefore, if you notice these symptoms please reach out to a mental health or medical professional for assistance.
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Louisville, KY
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.