Happiness Is Not Always The Goal

Exploring Emotions: Embracing Authenticity and Connection

As children, we are often taught societal norms and expectations—how to behave, what to believe, and even how to feel. These boundaries are ingrained early on, shaping our understanding of emotions and how we should express them. Over time, we internalize these norms, sometimes to the detriment of our emotional well-being.

Consider the analogy from the movie Inside Out, where Joy strives to keep Riley happy by suppressing other emotions like sadness, anger, and fear. Many of us have been raised in a similar way, encouraged to prioritize happiness above all else. This societal conditioning can lead us to dismiss or suppress emotions that are deemed negative or inconvenient.

However, as we mature, there comes a pivotal moment of realization: we have the agency to question these norms and redefine our relationship with our emotions. It’s about embracing a more exploratory, curious, and evolutionary approach towards how we feel and respond.

Challenging Emotional Norms

Despite the progress we may make in other aspects of our lives—career, relationships, personal growth—our emotional landscape often remains stagnant. We accept rules and expectations for our emotions without critically evaluating if they still serve us.

It’s crucial to recognize that emotional well-being isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about acknowledging and embracing the full spectrum of human emotions. Sadness, anger, fear—they all serve important purposes in our lives. They provide us with signals about our needs, boundaries, and experiences. By suppressing or denying these emotions, we deny ourselves the opportunity for growth, healing, and genuine connection.

Embracing Emotional Authenticity

Imagine a world where instead of striving for constant happiness, we aim to understand and connect with our emotions authentically. This shift involves unlearning societal conditioning and rewriting our emotional scripts. It’s about allowing ourselves to feel without judgment or guilt, and learning to comfort and connect with our emotions when needed.

This journey towards emotional authenticity requires courage and self-compassion. It means sitting with discomfort, exploring the root causes of our emotions, and learning healthier ways to respond to them. It’s about giving ourselves permission to cry, to be angry, to feel fear—and recognizing that these emotions are not weaknesses but integral parts of being human.

Conclusion

The path to emotional well-being involves reclaiming agency over our emotional lives. It’s about moving away from the expectation of constant happiness and instead embracing the richness and complexity of our emotional experiences. By doing so, we cultivate deeper connections with ourselves and others, fostering a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Let’s challenge the norms, rewrite the rules, and create a space where all emotions are valid and welcomed. After all, true emotional freedom comes from embracing the full spectrum of who we are.

Two things can be true at once. We can be joyful and sad. Nervous and excited. Anxious and Grounded. Jealous and Happy.


Written by Shannon Gonter

I specialize in working with individuals aged 18-35. Some presenting concerns that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others. I am trained to help you become more aware of your emotional responses to these challenges and help you recognize problematic relational patterns and new ways to cope. This awareness will create new opportunities for learning more adaptive ways of relating to others and coping with life’s stressors.

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