Summary:
Internal Family Systems is a worldwide movement and evidenced based model of non-pathologizing psychotherapy based on the understanding that the mind is naturally multiple and that we aren’t just one personality. We all have a core Self designed to bring harmony and healing to the system as well as parts each tasked with specific roles to keep the system running as smooth as possible.
Throughout life our systems get wounded though and receive all sorts of mixed messages and this causes burdens within us - which creates a variety of protective patterns and behaviors to keep life moving along. These burdens block our Self and the light it naturally has to be seen and felt by us and others. This blockage causes suffering inside us and in the world and left unattended to it can lead to a lot of friction and shame.
This is where the core belief of IFS comes in that there is no such thing as a bad part and if we are able to meet each part of ourselves with compassion and curiosity with goals to build a relationship with it and learn more about it - we can release the burdens and allow our true Self to emerge and shine true more and more.
Goal:
Help people bring awareness, listen to, understand and heal their internal parts, wounds and patterns and help the world become a more compassionate place overall.
What are parts?
At the core - parts are thoughts, feelings, voices, images, sensations, words, sounds, vibes, emotions, etc. that stay blended with us to manage our lives and show up in our day to day life in or around our bodies and minds.
For example, when your friend is late to meet you for lunch you may have several things going on inside you while sitting at the table alone waiting for him.
Should I text him and see where he is? Oh my god I cannot believe he is late again. Am I at the right restaurant? Did I tell him the right time? Uh I hate sitting at the table alone - pretty sure everyone is looking at me. My stomach is hurting - maybe I should get up and go to the bathroom.
Some of these thoughts coming from the same root part and others coming from another. Only way to know what thoughts and sensations belong to what part is to slow down and explore them by extending curiosity to them and seeing if they can separate a little from you so you are able to speak for the parts and not from the parts.
EX) I am so nervous I told my friend the wrong time VS A part of me is so nervous that I told my friend the wrong time to meet for lunch
The latter statement is speaking for your parts and allows for other parts to be present and come online - like maybe the part that knows you told your friend the right time and maybe even brings you to check your texts to verify, etc.
By staying blended with the part and saying “I am so nervous…” and not just a part of me is nervous - you leave no room for anything else to come online therefore staying nervous and becoming stuck there and “spiraling”.
What is Self?
The natural internal leader that wants to build a relationship with all parts (thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc.) in the internal system. It is not better than or superior to parts but is different because it naturally has some qualities that are just there when we are born and can never be damaged or replaced. Those are calm confidence, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, consistency, connected knowing and compassion (commonly referred to as the 8 C’s).
Who is IFS for?
Everyone on this planet who wants to experience a different way of looking at who they are and why they are the way they are. Appropriate for all ages.
What type of professionals use this theory to view their clients from?
It was designed and researched by the psychological field for licensed mental health counselors to use with their clients in talk therapy but over the years it has been adopted by other human helping fields such as coaches, physicians, dietitians, etc. In more recent years, the IFS model and viewpoint has been adapted to more macro systems such as schools and governments to understand and bring more compassion and healing to those spaces as well.
Books, podcasts and resources to learn more about IFS:
IFS Guide Community for Self Healers: https://www.ifsguide.com/community.html
Transcending Trauma book: https://www.amazon.com/Transcending-Trauma-Healing-Complex-Internal/dp/1683733975
Various podcasts and teleconferences exploring various IFS related concepts and topics: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/podcasts-and-teleconferences
The One Inside Podcast: https://theoneinside.libsyn.com/
Introduction to IFS book: https://ifs-institute.com/store/39
How to find an IFS mental health therapist:
You can simply use the search filter of “Internal Family Systems” on any mental health therapist directory to find a therapist that has been trained to use this approach.
Take note that not every professional who lists IFS as a modality they used has been formally trained it in by the institute - so if this is important to you, then be sure to inquire about this during your consultation call.
You can go to the IFS institute website and use your state search filters to find a provider in your area that has completed a Level 1, 2 or 3 training.
If you are very interested in IFS and wanting to see someone who is trained in this modality it is very important to ask that provider what trainings and experience they have with the model. Some professionals have taken a 3 hour webinar on IFS and write on their website or profile that they “do IFS” while others have completed one or multiple of the formal certification programs (6 months + of intensive learning) put on by the IFS institute (these individuals will have something along the lines of “level 1 trained”, “level 2 certified” etc. on their websites.
Why IFS?
I personally love IFS so much because it is one of the only non pathologizing mental health therapies I had experienced and been formally trained in. It meets you where you are at and does not try to change you. A lot of people come into therapy wanting to “stop crying at work everyday” or “stop being so anxious” or “manage their anger better” but IFS doesn’t exactly do that and specially not in the ways other talk therapies do.
And not that you may not get results like being able to get through work without crying all day but IFS is not going to get you there by telling you to do X and more of Y and less of Z. It may get you there by creating space for the tears, leaning into and learning from them about what is going on at work that leads to the tears and how they feel about them not being welcome in the workplace and if this feeling has been mimicked before in their lives and what they feel like might happen if they cannot stop crying at work, etc.
Aiming at getting to a space where we are building a relationship with all the parts of self to better build out our internal maps so when we get dropped in the land of “crying at work” - we know where we are, whats going on, how to separate from it, and how to help it without the massive amounts of judgement and shame that might of been their previously.
It is a bit of an experiment for the system to try something different then the traditional problem solving, compartmentalization ways it is used to doing - but it is SO worth it! Only when we know our entire internal map can be navigate the external world with more ease and confidence.
This does not happen over night and is very much a process but IFS provides a great, adaptable, non shaming framework for this.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working with individuals aged 18-35. Some presenting concerns that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others. I am trained to help you become more aware of your emotional responses to these challenges and help you recognize problematic relational patterns and new ways to cope. This awareness will create new opportunities for learning more adaptive ways of relating to others and coping with life’s stressors.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.