Below are some characteristics of “perfectionist”. Look through them and see if any of them resonate with you.
FEAR OF FAILURE
You often stay in your lane and stick to what you know.
You are nervous that you will not be able to pick up a new task easily
Nervous that others will perceive you as a failure or you will let them down.
Mistakes often lead to judgment and criticism
Mistakes are not seen as learning opportunities.
You are risk adverse.
LOW SELF ESTEEM
You are self critical.
You have difficulties noticing and celebrating your successes.
You don’t feel fulfilled.
You don’t feel happy.
You feel lonely or isolated.
You believe that perfection leads to likability.
UNREALISTIC STANDARDS
You have very high standards for yourself.
You struggle when you/others make “stupid” mistakes.
Very difficult time when things do not go as planned.
Meeting goals = higher self worth (I am amazing…)
Not meeting goals = lower self worth (I am a shitty person…)
ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
Rigid thought pattern.
Little room for “gray area” thoughts.
Limited deviation on what is acceptable.
Anything less than “perfection” = failure
CRITICAL EYE
Have a difficult time pointing out the “positives” of something.
Sees spaces for improvement first.
Hard time accepting things as they are without improving them in your head.
Often see imperfections in self and others first.
“PUSH” VS “PULL” MENTALITY
High achievers may be pulled to their goals by an interest and desire to achieve.
But perfectionist are often pressured and pushed to their goals by a fear of not reaching them.
RESULTS FOCUSED
Often have tunnel vision.
Little room for anything “emotional” because it gets in the way.
Cannot see anything else but the goal to be reached.
Difficult time being present
DEFENSIVENESS
Often is defensive in response to comments and suggestions from others and do not take them as constructive criticism (because if you were perfect than others wouldn’t have to comment or suggest things to you).
PROCRASTINATION
The fear of failure will often immobilized perfectionist from even starting a task. Often making it hard to start projects or complete tasks on time (if you did not start something or “finish” it then it cannot be a true failure).
UNMET GOALS = BREAKDOWN
You do not bounce back quickly when goals are not met.
Often beat yourself up.
Take out anger on something/someone else.
Use this experience as fuel to “never let this happen again”.
If you connect with some or all of the above characteristics, that’s okay. You are not doomed. There are tips and tricks that can assist in altering your internal and external outlook on things and you can become a #recoveredperfectionist
Often times perfectionist just think they are high achievers and this is why they cannot get out of their own way and continue to feel stuck and unfulfilled. There is a difference between a high achiever and a perfectionist and you can shift between the two.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
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