When thinking about entering into a relationship with a counselor/therapist or not, one of your evaluating factors HAS TO BE the societal stigma of - being in therapy - going to see a counselor - asking for help from someone outside of the family - asking for help at all.
Say what?! Huh.
I don’t say this because I want to heighten or increase the stigma but because this is a HUGE barrier that keeps people from asking for help from a trained mental health professional in the first place.
Without having the explicit or implicit stigma in our conscious awareness, how are we ever going to take control of it? ( hint hint - we won’t)
When stigma is not controlled it can consume us (and definitely when we don’t even recognize or know its there).
When it consumes us it keeps us STUCK.
When we feel stuck, we can sometimes feel HELPLESS & HOPELESS.
When we feel like this we often feel like there is NO OTHER OPTION than where we are now.
But I am here to show you, that there is!
No secret that there is a stigma of personal mental health services and the industry as a whole. So once we can be aware and welcome the stigma associated with asking for help from a therapist (as one of the multiple factors in the equation) we can take ownership of it and ask that part of us that is feeling the stigma what’s up and learn more about why is feels that way. What does it need to tell us? What is it afraid of? Let’s get curious about why it’s there.
Example: John works out on a regular basis and eats healthy. He has done these things for years and usually it assists him after a stressful day but the past year it just doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore. He has been told by his friends and family for years that therapy would really help him. They let him know that it will really assist him relieve some of the work stress he is experiencing and be more present when at home. He knows his brother has seen a therapist in the past and he knows that it assisted him greatly.
So he started following lots of mental health and wellness professionals on social media and gets some benefit and relief from filling his feed with positively and helpful, educational mental health and wellness facts. This allows him to manage for a little bit longer and but he soon looses interest in social media.
He finally says that he will go see a counselor because he knows that him following lots of health and wellness individuals on social media, working out regularly, and eating healthy just isn’t doing it for him anymore. He starts by just googling “how to find a counselor in Louisville, KY”. He is directed to a mental health directory site and starts using the search filters to find someone that fits his financial, location and personal needs.
These prompted search filters allow him to think about some of the items in the equation to seeing a counselor. Takes into account his financials, and his budget for services and if he is going to use his insurance. Thinks about what type of services he would like talk therapy, testing, or medication management. Factors in if he wants to see someone in person or online or maybe even a combination of the two. Possibly the demographics of the individual he wants to talk with and if he feels most comfortable with a male, female, POC, etc. Maybe he even factors in some personal recommendations and he goes back to those friends and family members and he asks them if they have seen a professional before and if they could recommend anyone. And maybe he even checks in with his medical professional at their next check up…
He does such a thorough and amazing job at filtering and researching the variety of therapists in his area and he has it narrowed down to this one therapist that he feels gets him. Their professional website and social media presence speaks to him and he just feels like he has already got so much benefit from reading their blogs. He gets excited about his future and the ways his life could look differently if he could get into an appointment with this professional.
He types up an inquiry email to send and doesn’t send it. He thinks about calling but never does. He continues to add it to his to do list but it never gets done.
This cycle continues for the next 6 months all while he continues to beat himself up around the fact that he “can never do anything right” or “follow through with anything” and that he is “doomed” and just feels “so stuck”.
PAUSE. Familiar with this scenario at all?
I am! This is all so common in the mental health field. I believe it is because stigma was never one of the conscious factors thought out. It was very much an unconscious thing doing its job behind the scenes, keeping John stuck.
We grow up with films, tv and possibly our friends and family painting a picture of what the mental health industry looks like. Unfortunately, they get it all wrong. They tell us what “crazy” looks like, how the mental health world is only at psychiatric hospitals, framing that “only alcoholics see therapists”, telling us that we shouldn’t share our home life with “strangers”, and so forth. Most of us were never really set up for success with the appropriate education, support and foundation to be able to navigate the mental health world in a healthy way to begin with.
So, let’s go back to the beginning and normalize mental health! Allow the stigma that is ingrained in all of us and our society to be one of the factors and challenge it head on! How do we do this? How can John allow this into the picture so it doesn’t keep him stuck behind the scenes?
Ways to do this:
Challenge:
We don’t think any differently of those who get their hair cut by a hair stylist, or who hire personal trainer so why think any differently of those who hire people to work on their inner workings?!
Normalize:
We are all humans and all humans have a mental health to maintain and look after. And remember, very few of us were given the appropriate tools, spaces or resources to know what to do with all these feels. AND even those of us who have masters and doctorate level degrees in mental health are not immune from it! #TheFeelsGetUsAll
Choice:
This is your past, present and future. Take ownership of it. Just because people ahead of us or next to us say certain things and do certain things, doesn’t mean we have to subscribe to those as well. We can do something else in the present moment so our futures look differently.
Talk:
To a friend, a family member, virtual partners, co-workers, or to your journal. Remember though that a friend or family member is not professionally trained to help you grow, heal, and change. It’s likely that your friends and family will give you their best advice, but you may need another set of eyes and ears on the matter and that is where a trained, licensed mental health professional can come in. Whereas a friend might give advice based on their personal relationship with you or based on their own life experience, I am interested in helping you find your own answers by helping you to connect with what is true and right for you. I am committed to maintaining an unbiased and judgement-free position in the room.
The only way to do something about anything is to bring awareness to it, name it, create space for it, be curious about what to do with it and then see how it evolves in this newfound space of awareness and action. #CreateSpace #AllowCompassion
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
*The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.