Shannon Gonter 12/18/24 Shannon Gonter 12/18/24

Now That You’re a Parent: How Do You Feel About Putting Yourself First?

Parenthood often shifts how we prioritize ourselves, making self-care feel impossible or even selfish. This blog encourages parents to reflect on these changes, explore pre-existing patterns, and challenge societal messages about putting themselves first. By carving out small moments daily to recharge and thrive, parents can better care for their families while honoring their own well-being.

Becoming a parent changes everything—your priorities, your routines, and often your sense of self. It’s easy to feel like you’ve been pushed to the bottom of your own priority list, or maybe even entirely off it. If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. This post isn’t here to pile on guilt or give you a laundry list of self-care tips (those are available elsewhere). Instead, I want to invite you to pause, reflect, and get curious about the concept of putting yourself first.

What Comes Up When You Hear “Put Yourself First”?

Take a moment to notice your initial reaction to the idea. Does it feel selfish? Reckless? Impossible? For many parents, the thought triggers feelings of guilt or shame. After all, you’re caring for a small human who relies on you for nearly everything. But this isn’t about ignoring your children. It’s about asking questions like:

Where am I on my own priority list right now?
How do I feel about that?
Has this always been my pattern, or is it something new since becoming a parent?

Patterns and Roots: Before and After Parenting

Reflecting on whether this dynamic existed before you had kids can be enlightening. If you’ve always struggled to prioritize yourself, it might point to deeper roots—cultural norms, upbringing, or socialization. On the other hand, if parenthood introduced this shift, that’s valuable to understand too. Recognizing the origin of these feelings can help you approach them with more clarity and compassion.

The Rules We Live By

Society gives us mixed messages about self-prioritization. Moms are often praised for selflessness and dads for “stepping up” as providers or partners. But what about the other parts of your identity? When was the last time you did something just for you—not as a parent, partner, or worker, but as the individual you were before these roles became primary?

Survival vs. Living

Parenting often feels like survival mode: juggling tasks, attending appointments, managing schedules. But surviving isn’t the same as living. Thriving as a parent means finding ways to care for yourself—not just so you can keep going but so you can fully show up for your kids and partner with energy and joy.

That overused metaphor about putting on your own oxygen mask first? It’s true. If you’re running on empty, it’s hard to pour into others. And while thriving might feel like a tall order right now, even small steps can make a big difference.

Start Small: Five Minutes for You

Carving out time for yourself doesn’t have to be monumental. Start with five minutes a day. Use that time to:

Reflect on your thoughts and experiences.
Do something that makes you smile.
Engage in an activity you’ve always loved but haven’t had time for.
Simply pause and breathe.

An Invitation to Curiosity

Before you finish this post, I encourage you to think about these questions:

How do I feel about putting myself first?
What stops me from doing so?
What would it look like to move myself higher on my priority list, even for a moment?
What example do I want to set for my children about self-care and self-respect?

Parenting will always demand a lot of you, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process. By giving yourself permission to prioritize your needs, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re modeling for your kids what it looks like to live a balanced, fulfilling life.

Written by Shannon Gonter

I specialize in working with individuals aged 18-35. Some presenting concerns that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others. I am trained to help you become more aware of your emotional responses to these challenges and help you recognize problematic relational patterns and new ways to cope. This awareness will create new opportunities for learning more adaptive ways of relating to others and coping with life’s stressors.

The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.

Shannon Gonter 7/24/24 Shannon Gonter 7/24/24

The Power of Day Retreats for Women: A Transformative Experience

A day retreat offers a unique opportunity for women to disconnect from the chaos of daily life and reconnect with their inner selves and others. The immediate benefits of mental detox, slowing down, and fostering deep connections are complemented by long-term gains in personal growth, stress management, and overall well-being. Moreover, the positive changes experienced by women who attend day retreats can have a ripple effect, enhancing their relationships at home and their performance at work. Investing in a day retreat is not just a gift to oneself but also a gift to one’s family, workplace, and community.

In today's fast-paced world, the idea of dedicating an entire day to oneself may seem like a luxury few can afford. Yet, taking a day to retreat, disconnect from technology, and engage in mindful activities can have profound benefits, both immediately and in the long run.

Unlike a weekend retreat, which may feel like a significant time commitment, or a single yoga class, which might not offer enough time for deep introspection, a full-day retreat provides the perfect balance.

Immediate Benefits of a Day Retreat

Mental Detox: Modern life is inundated with constant notifications, emails, and social media updates. A day retreat allows women to turn off their phones, step away from the digital noise, and give their minds a much-needed break. This mental detox can reduce stress, anxiety, and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Mindful Slowing Down: The structured yet unhurried nature of a day retreat encourages participants to slow down. Activities like guided meditations, nature walks, and reflective exercises help in calming the mind and fostering a sense of inner peace. This deliberate slowing down helps in realigning thoughts and emotions, promoting mental clarity and focus.
Deep Connection: Retreats are designed to foster connection, not just with oneself but also with others. Sharing experiences and engaging in group activities can create a sense of community and belonging. These connections can be incredibly enriching, offering support, understanding, and shared joy.

Long-Term Benefits of Attending a Day Retreat

Group of women engaging in a reflective activity at a day retreat in Louisville, KY

Sustained Well-Being: The insights and relaxation gained during a day retreat can have lasting effects. Participants often leave feeling rejuvenated and more in tune with their inner selves. This renewed sense of self-awareness can lead to better mental health practices and a more balanced lifestyle.
Enhanced Personal Growth: Engaging in reflective and mindful activities allows women to explore their thoughts, emotions, and aspirations. This can spark personal growth, encouraging them to pursue their passions, set meaningful goals, and live more authentically.
Stress Management: Learning techniques to manage stress effectively is a crucial aspect of day retreats. Practices such as meditation, breathwork, and mindful movement can be incorporated into daily life, providing tools to handle stressors more gracefully and maintain a calm demeanor.

The Ripple Effect: Benefits for Families and Workplaces

Healthier Family Dynamics: When women take time for themselves, they return to their families with a refreshed mind and a calmer disposition. This can lead to more positive interactions, better communication, and a nurturing home environment. Children and partners can benefit from the presence of a more relaxed and happy family member.
Improved Workplace Performance: A woman who has taken time to recharge and reflect is likely to be more productive, focused, and creative at work. The stress management techniques learned during a retreat can also help in maintaining a healthy work-life balance, preventing burnout, and enhancing overall job satisfaction.
Modeling Self-Care: By prioritizing their well-being, women set a powerful example for those around them. Whether at home or in the workplace, demonstrating the importance of self-care can inspire others to adopt similar practices, creating a culture that values mental and emotional health.

If you are located in Louisville, KY and looking to try this out - the team of Women Who Thrive have put together two successful day retreats in the past and are hosting another one Fall of 2024. Learn more and sign up for your spot here and please message their team with any questions you may have.

Written by Shannon Gonter

Shannon Gonter 6/26/24 Shannon Gonter 6/26/24

Happiness Is Not Always The Goal

As children, we are often taught societal norms and expectations—how to behave, what to believe, and even how to feel. These boundaries are ingrained early on, shaping our understanding of emotions and how we should express them. Over time, we internalize these norms, sometimes to the detriment of our emotional well-being.

Exploring Emotions: Embracing Authenticity and Connection

Consider the analogy from the movie Inside Out, where Joy strives to keep Riley happy by suppressing other emotions like sadness, anger, and fear. Many of us have been raised in a similar way, encouraged to prioritize happiness above all else. This societal conditioning can lead us to dismiss or suppress emotions that are deemed negative or inconvenient.

However, as we mature, there comes a pivotal moment of realization: we have the agency to question these norms and redefine our relationship with our emotions. It’s about embracing a more exploratory, curious, and evolutionary approach towards how we feel and respond.

Challenging Emotional Norms

Despite the progress we may make in other aspects of our lives—career, relationships, personal growth—our emotional landscape often remains stagnant. We accept rules and expectations for our emotions without critically evaluating if they still serve us.

It’s crucial to recognize that emotional well-being isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about acknowledging and embracing the full spectrum of human emotions. Sadness, anger, fear—they all serve important purposes in our lives. They provide us with signals about our needs, boundaries, and experiences. By suppressing or denying these emotions, we deny ourselves the opportunity for growth, healing, and genuine connection.

Embracing Emotional Authenticity

Imagine a world where instead of striving for constant happiness, we aim to understand and connect with our emotions authentically. This shift involves unlearning societal conditioning and rewriting our emotional scripts. It’s about allowing ourselves to feel without judgment or guilt, and learning to comfort and connect with our emotions when needed.

This journey towards emotional authenticity requires courage and self-compassion. It means sitting with discomfort, exploring the root causes of our emotions, and learning healthier ways to respond to them. It’s about giving ourselves permission to cry, to be angry, to feel fear—and recognizing that these emotions are not weaknesses but integral parts of being human.

Conclusion

The path to emotional well-being involves reclaiming agency over our emotional lives. It’s about moving away from the expectation of constant happiness and instead embracing the richness and complexity of our emotional experiences. By doing so, we cultivate deeper connections with ourselves and others, fostering a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Let’s challenge the norms, rewrite the rules, and create a space where all emotions are valid and welcomed. After all, true emotional freedom comes from embracing the full spectrum of who we are.

Two things can be true at once. We can be joyful and sad. Nervous and excited. Anxious and Grounded. Jealous and Happy.

Written by Shannon Gonter

Shannon Gonter 4/17/24 Shannon Gonter 4/17/24

I may not be the best fitting provider for you…

…BUT THERE IS ONE OUT THERE FOR YOU. I KNOW IT! I ALSO KNOW THAT IT CAN BE COMPLICATED TO FIND THE RIGHT PROVIDER MATCH FOR YOU - SO I AM HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU IN THAT.

I may not be the best fitting provider for you…and that is okay.

BUT THERE IS ONE OUT THERE FOR YOU.

I KNOW IT! I ALSO KNOW THAT IT CAN BE COMPLICATED TO FIND THE RIGHT PROVIDER MATCH FOR YOU - SO I AM HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU IN THAT.

Feel free to reach out via EMAIL and I can gather some basic information from you and point you in the right direction of finding the best fitting therapist to meet your needs.

If you want to browse some therapists or other wellness professionals on your own - check out the below sites and utilize their search filters to find someone who might meet your needs best.

Written by Shannon Gonter, LPCC owner of Therapy by Shannon, LLC

Shannon Gonter 12/14/22 Shannon Gonter 12/14/22

How Long Should I Be In Counseling For?

The therapeutic process varies from person to person. Many presenting concerns can be dealt with in a brief period of time, but this is not always the case. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula to determine how long counseling will take.

I can only speak from the lens of my personal life, private practice and how I navigate things with my clients - but know that other providers working from other theories and modalities navigate their sessions and treatment very differently.

So I definitely encourage you to check in with your prospective or current clinician and ask them some questions about this and their view on it. Whether it is during your consultation call before starting services with them or you have been seeing them for months or years. Could be helpful to know what the typical length of treatment is for an average client, etc.

Some providers believe that people should be in therapy forever - and others do not. I personally think that everyone should have access to affordable and accessible mental health care whenever they want it - if they want it. But that is with the understanding that I am a believer in mental health self work all year round. This may sometimes mean counseling is the mental health care we need and other times it is community or support groups or connection with something larger than ourselves, or being in nature, or doing body work, etc.

Specifically talking about counseling though, a lot of the work I do with my clients is getting them to a space to “be their own counselor” and building up the internal relationships within themselves with all sorts of different thoughts, feelings and sensations - so they are able to connect with them and eventually explore on their own similar to how we do in session.

My goal is to ultimately help my clients reach a point where they don’t need counseling anymore. They may still have personal work to do (who doesn’t), but they will have learned the the internal skills they need to act as their “own therapist” over time.

All while knowing their bodies and minds better so they can pick up on the signals it sends that let us know we are in a space of needing help from someone else again and cannot and should not be tackling this all alone. Maybe these signals lead us to start up counseling again - or maybe we do something else that allows us to put our mental wellness front of line.

Whatever it may be - if we are listening to our minds and bodies with a non judgmental, curious and compassionate ear - we are doing what we need to be doing.

Now I hear you out there being like - okay so how long will it take me to learn how to be my own counselor?! 1 month? 4 months? 1 year? 5 years? — HA! Get to the point lady and answer the damn question!

Well. There is no right or wrong path for you and and your relationship with counseling and the length of time you spent in it. It is all about meeting you and your lived experience with counseling with an open mind and exploring it without judgement or expectation to be or not be a certain way. All while knowing that your needs are constantly changing based on whats happening now in your life and what the internal framework for handling those happenings looks like.

Also - keep in mind that counseling is a very subjective experience and outside of the actual length of sessions - not much can be guaranteed or is for certain in what you will experience.

Frustrating - I know.

But the sooner we can notice the parts of us that think therapy “should look like this” or “last for this long” the more equipped we will be to update those and let them know that whatever is happening is where we need to be and what we need to be doing right now.

Okay so giving you a little bit of concrete info for my sessions with clients before dipping back into the length of counseling as a treatment -in regards to session length - the initial intake session will be 50 minutes long, and every session after that will be 50 minutes from start to finish.

Though some find it odd - 50 minutes is a common “therapy hour” and many clinicians will do this - but some will do 60 minute sessions and others offer 90 or 30 minute offerings as well.

Now back to talking about the therapeutic process (how long you go to therapy for) - this is what varies from person to person greatly. Many presenting concerns can be dealt with in a brief period of time, but this is not always the case. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula to determine how long counseling will take.

I have some clients who I see on a weekly basis for 5 months - some I see bi weekly for 8 months and others that I see on a weekly or bi weekly basis for years.

Usually my clients start out with weekly sessions and then if they choose to change to bi weekly sessions or another level of frequency they can of course do that. The reason for starting out with weekly sessions and why this is most common in the world of therapy is for consistency and comfortability. We usually get to a point in counseling of sharing things with our therapists that we have never shared with anyone else before - and in order to do that we have to build trust, a relationship and feel comfortable in the room. A lot of the times what helps us do this is consistency and increased exposure to the normalization of having a safe and secure space to share our inner thoughts and feelings in a non judgmental environment.

If we only go to counseling once a month - totaling about 12 hrs a year - all parts of us may not get the opportunity to feel that safety and not be able to trust the therapeutic relationship and process.

When thinking of this in terms of other wellness activities it sometimes can click better. If we are wanting to get back into a running routine for our physical fitness and only go on a jog once a month - we likely aren’t going to be able to sustain much more distance than we did at the beginning. But if we got on a walk once a week and a jog every other week - we are giving our cardiovascular muscle a better chance at increasing their stamina by working out those muscle on a more frequent and consistent basis.

No right or wrong way to train for that race - but likely the person getting up and moving more frequently will meet their goals quicker. Translated to therapy - the individual committing to self growth and healing by prioritizing it and going consistently - MIGHT be able to accomplish goals in therapy at a different pace than others who only go once a month.

With all that being said - there still is not a great way to estimate how long you will be in therapy for. But reminder that it is always your choice and something that you and your provider should be openly exploring throughout your services. During the therapeutic process, you and your therapist should check in on your progress and this might be able to shine some light on the timeline it took to get from where you were and where you are now. With my clients I try to do this frequently just so we can check in on progress towards goals all while continually evaluating their want and need for counseling still.

I am sure some of you are still reading because you are like “she has got to give us a straight answer here…and tell me if I have been in therapy too long or what I am doing is just right” - but with most things in the therapy world - I wont be doing that nor telling you what to do.

Frustrating (again)- I know - specially for those parts of us that really want to hear “Yeah okay you have anxiety - let’s do a session every week for 3 months and then you’ll be good to go :)”.

But when we are able to openly communicate with ourselves and our provider about our thoughts and feelings and really explore our lived experiences - the answer to how long we should be in counseling - lives inside of us. We will know when it is time to stop or pause services. Allowing counseling to fit into our lives when we want or need it and knowing that if we leave it - we can always come back to it and vice versa.

Written by Shannon Gonter, LPCC owner of Therapy by Shannon, LLC

Shannon Gonter 11/23/22 Shannon Gonter 11/23/22

How to notice burn out before it consumes you

Let us take a look at how we can notice burn out in our lives before it takes over and consumes us. There are lots of different ways we can notice it so we can prevent the extreme overwhelm.

How to notice the symptoms coming on to prevent it from getting too severe…

Knowing how you and your body hold onto and show stress is going to be very helpful in being able to prevent future burn out breakdowns. If you ignore these signs that your body and mind are sending you – you will eventually hit the burn out phase because the systems inside just can’t anymore.

Even though a lot of us have all sorts of thoughts and past experiences to back up the “just push through it” stage - continuing to just push through the exhaustion (or whatever other symptom(s) is there) and keeping as is will cause further emotional and physical damage to you.

We have got to pause – slow down – see what’s going on – listen to it – ask for help – maintain and repeat.

PAUSE

Literally might mean stop what you are doing and just pause.

SLOW DOWN

Maybe even close your eyes for a few moments and focus on your breathe. Coming in and out of your body. Not trying to change it but just noticing if it is rapid, or slow, or coming from your mouth or nose or up in your chest or down in your belly. Taking note of this automatic process and just being with it.

SEE WHAT’S GOING ON

Notice what is going on in your mind and body. Certain thoughts popping up? Sometimes people get to this stage and notice thoughts popping up that are FREAKING OUT about having their eyes closed or have taken a break in the first place and immediately exit this space and get back to whatever they were doing before. That is okay. THAT GIVES US A LOT OF DATA! Shows us that it is literally so scary to the internal system to pause just for a bit - what I would get most curious about (and maybe with a trained mental health professional) is what is the underlying belief or fear behind that? What is it so concerned will happen if we press pause and slow down and explore.

Maybe you check in with your body and notice that your chest is feeling really tight and almost like an elephant is sitting on it. So just notice that - maybe even bring your hand to you chest and see what its like to focus your attention on that sensation.

LISTEN

When focusing on that specific body sensation or thought - just listen. What else is going on in your mind and body? Do certain things like this sensation? Hate it? Want it to go away? Curious about it? Just take note of all the other thoughts and feelings coming online and be there with them with no expectations or pressure to do anything.

ASK FOR HELP

Dependent on whats going on in your head and body and how comfortable it is for you to have awareness and approach yourself with non judgement - it may be best to start some of this process with a trained mental wellness professional. These individuals are trained to walk by their clients in these ways and assist them in separating from these thoughts, feelings and sensations in order to gain perspective and learn about them.

Burnout doesn't have to just happen to us – it can happen to part of us maybe we have some thing inside of us that is a big doer and planner and preventative thinker and that thing has just been working really really hard nonstop 24 seven for the past 29 years… It's bound to get burn out if we don't get curious about it and help it.

The issue sometimes as we don't know how to help or we don't have the awareness that the doer is so tapped out because we are just too close to it all. It takes slowing down and asking for help to be able to see the doer as one of the many parts of our internal system that keeps us going. So of course we don't want to get rid of the doer but we want the doer to know that there are other parts of the system that can help it out when it's exhausted.

We just have to know and believe that it's OK to be tired it's OK to take a break its OK to ask for help.

Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC

Shannon Gonter 11/9/22 Shannon Gonter 11/9/22

How Burn Out Looks IRL

Let us take a look at what burn out looks like in real life. How it shows up and what it looks like.

How it looks IRL

PHYSICAL

- Feeling tired all the time

- Lots of headaches

- Lowered immunity

- Change in your typical eating patterns

- Fatigue

- Muscle tension

EMOTIONAL

- Lots of self-doubt

- Helplessness

- Feeling alone in the world

- Little to no motivation

- Cynical outlooks

- Negative attitude

- Anxiety

- Depression

- Numbness

- Compassion fatigue

- Lowered satisfaction when you accomplish something

BEHAVORIAL

- Pulling away from your responsibilities

- Using substances to cope

- Taking out your frustrations on innocent others/things

- Skipping work

- Depersonalization of others

- Lack of creativity

- Procrastination

- Forgetfulness

- Isolation

Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC

Shannon Gonter 10/26/22 Shannon Gonter 10/26/22

Reframe how we think about burn out...

In the past videos we have talked what what burn out is and many more, but this blog is going to focus on how to reframe burn out.

Let’s reframe how we think about burn out…

When we say “I am so burnt out” - what does that even mean? Coming from the understanding that we are not just one core personality and we all wear several different hats and are made up of lots of different parts - it may be helpful to slow down and ask “who inside me is burnt out”?

We so commonly refer to ourselves as just one collective thing and that makes it difficult to name burn out and know what to do with it because it is very unlikely that YOU are burnt out -it is much more common for the organizer you to be exhausted the perfectionist you to be stressed and never catching a break the compartmentalizer you to be overwhelmed, etc.

Very commonly some of the core parts of ourselves that lead our lives are exhausted and just can’t anymore. They need a break but do not know how to take one or are so scared that if they stop doing what they do best everything else will crumble.

So let us slow down the process and figure out what our bodies and minds are telling us to see who inside is bunt out and needs some help.

Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC

Shannon Gonter 10/12/22 Shannon Gonter 10/12/22

What can lead to burn out?

What leads to burn out? So many things - specially with the weight of everything these days. Check out this blog that is part of our burn out series to learn more.

What can lead to burn out?

WORK

- Unclear job duties and expectations

- High pressure / high expectation environment

- Overly demanding job duties

- Doing work that is not challenging enough for you

- No – to very little recognition for the good work you are doing

- No control over your work

- Information overload

- Insufficient time off

LIFE

- Not getting enough sleep

- Difficulty asking for help from others

- Taking on too many responsibilities without help from others

- Lack of supportive relationships and help

- Family and caregiving stress

- Not socializing and relaxing enough and working too much

PERSONALITY

- Expectations to always be the high achiever

- Perfectionistic tendencies

- Type A personality traits

- Fearful

- Pessimistic view of the world

Reframe how we think about it…

Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC

Shannon Gonter 9/28/22 Shannon Gonter 9/28/22

What is Burn Out

What is burn out? Read and listen to learn about burn out in this blog that is part of our burn out series.

Before going much further - lets start with a definition.

What is burn out?

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. (https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm).

For some it looks like a time in our day or week or year or life that you were super stressed, irritable, exhausted, unhappy, confused on the next steps, unsure, etc. Maybe it lasted a day but likely it lasted longer.

Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC

Shannon Gonter 9/14/22 Shannon Gonter 9/14/22

Burn Out Is Real

Burn out is real and happens all the time to all different types of people walking all the different walks of life.

Sometimes it happens and then stops - but often it has a cyclical pattern to it and starts -stops and then starts back up again throughout the weeks/months.

We have all experienced it – in some form or fashion - but we may not have ever named it before – so naming it may be scary for some.

But there is SO much power in being able to identify what burn out looks like for you (looks different for everyone), how to identify it in your body and mind, how to prevent it in the future and how to have in the moment compassion for yourself.

Honestly the name “burn out” is quite terrifying – so I hear y’all who are like burn out? What - no. I have it all together…I have never been burnt out. I just am stressed from time to time because “life is stressful” and “this is just what life with a job and 2 kids looks like” and “I just get depressed sometimes”.

Sure – all that may be true. I am not here to tell you that life isn’t stressful – but a lot of the above sayings are also things that do not leave room for us to explore how our bodies and minds are holding stressful life events and digesting its daily happenings.

Burn out happens when so much is built up inside us with little to no awareness of what it is, where it belongs and what to do with it that we loose connection with the knowing that we are capable of slowing down, going in with the hard stuff and coming out on the other end.

Before going much further - lets start with a definition.

What is burn out?

What can lead to burn out?

WORK

- Unclear job duties and expectations

- High pressure / high expectation environment

- Overly demanding job duties

- Doing work that is not challenging enough for you

- No – to very little recognition for the good work you are doing

- No control over your work

- Information overload

- Insufficient time off

LIFE

- Not getting enough sleep

- Difficulty asking for help from others

- Taking on too many responsibilities without help from others

- Lack of supportive relationships and help

- Family and caregiving stress

- Not socializing and relaxing enough and working too much

PERSONALITY

- Expectations to always be the high achiever

- Perfectionistic tendencies

- Type A personality traits

- Fearful

- Pessimistic view of the world

Reframe how we think about it…

So let us slow down the process and figure out what our bodies and minds are telling us to see who inside is bunt out and needs some help.

How it looks IRL

PHYSICAL

- Feeling tired all the time

- Lots of headaches

- Lowered immunity

- Change in your typical eating patterns

- Fatigue

- Muscle tension

EMOTIONAL

- Lots of self-doubt

- Helplessness

- Feeling alone in the world

- Little to no motivation

- Cynical outlooks

- Negative attitude

- Anxiety

- Depression

- Numbness

- Compassion fatigue

- Lowered satisfaction when you accomplish something

BEHAVORIAL

- Pulling away from your responsibilities

- Using substances to cope

- Taking out your frustrations on innocent others/things

- Skipping work

- Depersonalization of others

- Lack of creativity

- Procrastination

- Forgetfulness

- Isolation

How to notice the symptoms coming on to prevent it from getting too severe…

We have got to pause – slow down – see what’s going on – listen to it – ask for help – maintain and repeat.

PAUSE

Literally might mean stop what you are doing and just pause.

SLOW DOWN

SEE WHAT’S GOING ON

LISTEN

ASK FOR HELP

We just have to know and believe that it's OK to be tired it's OK to take a break its OK to ask for help.

Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC

Shannon Gonter 8/16/22 Shannon Gonter 8/16/22

Counseling for Young Adults

YOUNG ADULTHOOD - THIS PHASE OF LIFE IS OFTEN EMOTIONALLY COMPLEX. It is filled with feelings of excitement and optimism that come with the newfound independence of adulthood. It is also counterbalanced with feelings of confusion, loneliness, and fear due to the loss of certainty about what the future holds.

Young adults nowadays are among the first generations to grow up in a world driven by digital technology. Not to mention the world wide traumas they have all lived through - 9/11, recession and market crash, huge natural disasters, global pandemic and to cap it all off the job landscape rapidly shifting from its traditional ways to something brand new and largely remotely based.

Young adults today - again are the first generation to have digital technology and social media during their foundational childhood years and this impact on how it shaped them - and continues to shape them is still to be determined. They have been for years and continue to be constantly exposed to vastly differing views on politics and religion from loved ones and strangers online. There is also just an overall greater sense of uncertainty surrounding the future of our society than in years past. And on top of all this, these young adults are faced with an overwhelming number of options, each with its own risks and benefits.

In my opinion, the transition from childhood years to adulthood is not as clear-cut as past generations have been. There is no longer a “prescribed” life plan for you. Well maybe there is - within your family or cultural system - but you have greater chances, access and supports to skew from it compared to past generations. Which is cool - but also terrifying and creates a lot of pressure with the unlimited options that are at your fingertips.

It is now typical for individuals in their 20-30s to ask the questions “Who am I?” and “What do I want my life to look like?” These shifts have reflected significant changes in how one might relate to the world around you and how others in society view you.

You might not take the first job that lands in your lap (and your parents may think this is a dumb decision because it is a secure steady income). You may of started college and dropped out because it’s not really want you wanted to do (and people in your life may be pressuring you to go back and “just get the degree”). You may of graduated with a marketing degree but figured out that you really want to go teach 1st grade (and may feel behind and that you wasted time and money getting that degree). Whatever it may be for your specific situation - it is certain that todays young adults have more options than others - but that does not just lead to abundance - though it can - it can also bring on some other things such as pressure, anxiety, judgement, shame and others. With these shifts a certain amount of anxiety and grief is expected.

HOWEVER…

when you feel overwhelmed or underprepared to face the stress of a transition, more serious symptoms of anxiety and depression may develop and affect your mood, motivation, and decision-making skills. These types of issues can affect your social, emotional, and physical well-being and make it difficult for you to develop or sustain meaningful relationships and to work toward educational and occupational goals. When this happens people often feel alone, scared and like something is wrong with them. But in reality - this is just the natural response to the rub and friction adulthood brings into our lives and is very normal to go through at some point in this transition from childhood to adulthood.

COUNSELING IS HERE TO HELP YOU…

become more aware of your internal responses to these challenges as well as help you recognize and bring awareness to the various patterns that run your life and explore new ways to cope and be with these parts of yourself. This awareness will create new opportunities for learning more adaptive ways of relating to others, yourself and coping with life’s many stressors.

IN COUNSELING WITH SHANNON GONTER…

you can start to feel more capable of dealing with the challenges of adulthood, more connected to self and others, and more empowered to make decisions and follow through on plans that reflect your renewed sense of self and purpose.

Reach out today to learn more about what working with her looks like if you are in the Louisville or Kentucky area.

Now of course all generations have had their things and struggles and all people have gone through this transition but that does not mean that everyone was given the space to explore, normalize and process this transition. I have worked with a lot of 45 year olds who would not call themselves a “young adult” longing for a space to process how difficult this transition was and carrying with them the burdens from these early adult years.

The young adulthood years are foundational for all. Connect with a professional and get assistance in unloading and carrying some of what you may be carrying - no matter your age. You are not alone - and it is never too late.

Written by Shannon Gonter

Shannon Gonter 7/13/22 Shannon Gonter 7/13/22

Our Internal Protective System

Confused by what this even means? Our internal protective system? Huh. I was confuzzled at first too - but just keep on reading and you will see how at the core - all our thoughts, feelings and sensations are protecting us from something.

The root of all of our thoughts, feelings and sensations is protection. It may not seem like that from the surface but if we slow it down and we give all of these internal processes some time and space - they will show and explain to us that they are trying to protect us.

Yes - even the ones that self sabotage, have suicidal thoughts, lie, cheat, steal, etc.

Hmm…still skeptical - keep reading…

Watching eight hours of Netflix straight.

Drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting.

Yelling at your partner.

Cutting your arm.

Eating a lot of food in one sitting.

Constantly doing and never giving yourself a break….

All examples of things that on the surface don't seem helpful or protective. But again if we spend some time with them we will see that they are good natured and protective against the alternative deep down at the core - trying the hardest they can to protect something.

I can't quite give you an example of every single thing and how this plays out in your body and your mind and in your relationships because it's going to be very different for everyone and there are just way to many examples and scenarios that can be described - but below I will give some vague general examples of how these above mentioned things can be protective in nature even when society and others tell us they are not “good” or “healthy” or whatever else they want to label them.

Watching eight hours of Netflix straight.

In comes the socially acceptable binge watching trend that SO many people SO quickly jumped on. But why is this so popular and how did it catch on so quickly?

It was not solely because streaming services produce such high quality good shows - though sometimes that may be the case - but because SO many of us are in need of a way to stop our brains from constantly thinking, doing, preventing and analyzing before we burn out and completely crash.

So as a protective system - our bodies learn that one effective way to avoid burn out from our doer energy is to get a short break from the constant chatter in our heads and zone out on the couch for 8 hours in one sitting. This naturally creates a space for the doers to recharge - AKA protecting the doer parts - and come back after the binge (rest) oftentimes with more energy then ever to start the pattern over and over again.

Though our judgers and parts that think we are lazy will without a doubt criticize the Netflix binger because it is “unproductive” - we have to step back and see that it is not stepping in to make us feel lazy and bad about ourselves but to protect the doer from burn out. Because the alternative of the doer hitting burn out - is a way worse case scenario than the critical voice in our head calling us lazy.

Yelling at your partner.

Yelling at your partner during an argument always has a protective space to it. Remembering that protective does not mean - making things easier in our external lives.

Bringing us back to our internal structure and system - if we know our partner shuts down when we yell at them and fighting makes us feel unsafe and threatened - the protective pattern that may kick in for you is to yell at your partner and stop the fighting for now so your internal system can get back to a safe baseline.

Surely does not mean the fight is over or resolved or again that yelling is the most externally healthy thing to do but for your internal system - parts of it feel protected by the ability to call on yelling to come in and stop it from feeling unsafe and threatened as it was during the argument.

Self harm behaviors.

A lot of us do not feel like we have control of things (inside and outside our bodies) and have lots of feelings inside of us that do not feel safe to feel. These feelings usually have a large held belief that if we feel them it will crumble us and be the worst. If we never get a space to express whats inside in a way that feels safe it leaves us feeling out of control in our internal state and a lot of the time in our external lives as well.

Our bodies will do what they do and take it into their own hands and find a way to take control and feel something (because that is what we are designed to do). So bring self harm into the picture.

Whatever the self harming behavior is - the internal system will very quickly learn that this is an effective way to send the signal to the body that we have control and can feel things on our terms. Therefore protecting us from the held belief that feeling the feelings and being with the past experiences will crumble us all while allowing us to release some of the pain by feeling something that is self inflicted.

When slowing down - we have to bring ourselves back to all the different parts of us that make us who we are. We often look inside and get stuck in a judgmental part of us and just look at everything from the eyes of that thing.

We sit on the couch for 8 hours watching Netflix and don’t see that as a protective mechanism for our doer energy- we see it as us avoiding our to do lists, us being lazy, us not being able to get shit done, etc. But that is just another part of us thinking those things about that behavior and by staying there it wont land us anywhere else but feeling bad about ourselves or our situation.

So what if we went into this slow down process knowing that everything we do, think and feel is protective at its core and start getting super curious to learn more about all the internal structures, systems and patterns inside us. Creating space to build relationship with these parts and not continue the ping ponging battle we have got going on inside our heads and bodies.

If all of this is not making any sense to you - like at all - read a bit more about Internal Family Systems and it may clear up some of the lingo and ways of thinking about our thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms it will be better suited for you to see an in person counselor to ensure your safety and provide you with the support needed. Please call 911 or find your local mental health emergency services by Googling “(your town) crisis hotline” if you are feeling suicidal or experiencing a mental health crisis.

Written by Shannon Gonter

Shannon Gonter 6/8/22 Shannon Gonter 6/8/22

Therapy and advice giving

A lot of people want their counselor to tell them what to do - but that is not what mental health counseling is all about. Therapists are not here to tell you what to do with your life - but more so here to assist you in finding the answers to your own questions inside.

So often during my free 15 minute consultation calls - that I do with prospective clients - so many individuals say that they want “someone to tell them what to do”, “they want someone to listen to them and give them non-judgmental advice on their life”.

I always make sure to listen and understand what these prospective clients are saying - while at the same time making sure that I am clear and upfront that I do not give my clients direct advice and will not tell them what to do with their lives.

I am not sure because I am not listening in on other therapists consultation calls but I don't think many counselors or therapist do this during the consultation call but I do because I think it's important for prospective clients to understand that therapist and counselors are not here to give advice and tell people what to do with their lives - but are here to support people in understanding their internal world better and creating some clarity so it is easier for them to make the decisions on their own.

Those professionals that don't correct the prospective clients during the call aren't doing anything wrong. I think they are just hoping that that individual comes into session continues in therapy and understands through the process that the therapeutic relationship is not designed around advice giving and that it’s created and maintained around a non-judgmental trained professional assisting the client in finding the answers within themselves.

Quite honestly who am I to give my clients - let alone anyone - advice on their life. I am a human with all sorts of thoughts, feelings and sensations going on in my life and if I were to give advice to a client - it would be coming from some part of me and not the spot inside of me that is genuinely curious about my clients experience and wants to understand what it is like for them to be them.

Now that doesn’t mean if I did give my clients “advice” it would cause harm to them or be coming from some “bad” space inside of me. Likely it would be coming from a super loving and caregiving side of me that wants the best for my client. But the issue with this is I can only give advice from my lens and my lens is not the same as my clients and therefore throwing my lens onto them could not be what they need. Nor will it help them in the future when I am not there to “tell them what to do”.

I spend an hour with my clients every week or every other week for a couple months or years. Either way I do not know them as well as they know themselves - therefore leaving them the best people to make decisions for their day or day lives.

With that being said - I and other counselors who work from this framework are not just passively sitting in the room and listening to our clients talk.

What I see to be a better fit for long term success for all is for me to focus on me and my parts and for the client to focus on themselves. What this looks like is me being very aware of all parts of me (thoughts, feelings and sensations I am having in response to what my client is sharing with me) and who is online in my head (caretaker, educator, professional, etc). Again this is a very important part of the process because if I am not focused and aware of “who is online in my head” my caretaker or my educator could be leading the entire session and this is not always the best for clients. To ensure that I am remaining as curious, open and compassionate towards my client as possible I am constantly bringing awareness to my internal experience allowing this open and non-judgmental energy to swirl around the room and allow for the client to experiment with.

On the clients end - for them to focus on them looks like the following. Sharing whats on their mind and noticing the different thoughts, feelings and sensations that come up in response to what they just shared, want to share or are afraid to share. Sometimes these can be shared and other times its fine to just notice them internally. But knowing that there is nothing that is off the table to bring into sessions with your provider.

EX) wanting to come in and talk about something but fearing that the therapist will judge them for having certain thoughts or going through certain experiences so they don’t share it at all. Instead of holding all of that awareness alone and to yourself - maybe try sharing with your provider that there is something on your mind that you want to explore but are scared that there might be judgment (not needing to share the thing but just that there is a space inside of you that is very worried about being judged about sharing this thing). Your provider will be able to meet you where you are at and work with that fearful part and provide some reassurance to it, hear its past experiences as to why it fears judgment and connect with it in a way that it might not of ever been connected with before.

Bringing everything back to the idea that therapists are not here to give advice. But are here to meet clients where they are at and that there are no expectations for what is and is not shared in session. Because again if I was over here giving advice to my clients I would not be doing that from a space that is trying to meet them where they are at with genuine curiosity - I would be meeting them with my problem solver, fixer, caretaker etc. part and that is not always what the client need. Typically clients need to be connected with, heard, understood and just provided a space to be.

Again - that cannot happen if I am over here giving advice. Remember that we all have those parts inside of us that just want someone to tell us what to do and would be really good rule followers if someone stepped in and told us what to do - but that is just not how therapy works. So when your provider sets this boundary - it can definitely frustrate certain parts of us that really just want someone to tell them what to do. What can be helpful is to get to know this part a bit more and hear about what it really wants for you by someone telling it what to do. Does it want relief? A break? Just slow down and get curious with it to see.

Written by Shannon Gonter, LPCC in Louisville, KY. Providing telehealth to those in KY and office based and walk and talk sessions to those located around the Louisville area.

Shannon Gonter 5/18/22 Shannon Gonter 5/18/22

Intro to Internal Family Systems

Summary:

Internal Family Systems is a worldwide movement and evidenced based model of non-pathologizing psychotherapy based on the understanding that the mind is naturally multiple and that we aren’t just one personality. We all have a core Self designed to bring harmony and healing to the system as well as parts each tasked with specific roles to keep the system running as smooth as possible.

Throughout life our systems get wounded though and receive all sorts of mixed messages and this causes burdens within us - which creates a variety of protective patterns and behaviors to keep life moving along. These burdens block our Self and the light it naturally has to be seen and felt by us and others. This blockage causes suffering inside us and in the world and left unattended to it can lead to a lot of friction and shame.

This is where the core belief of IFS comes in that there is no such thing as a bad part and if we are able to meet each part of ourselves with compassion and curiosity with goals to build a relationship with it and learn more about it - we can release the burdens and allow our true Self to emerge and shine true more and more.

Goal:

Help people bring awareness, listen to, understand and heal their internal parts, wounds and patterns and help the world become a more compassionate place overall.

What are parts?

At the core - parts are thoughts, feelings, voices, images, sensations, words, sounds, vibes, emotions, etc. that stay blended with us to manage our lives and show up in our day to day life in or around our bodies and minds.

For example, when your friend is late to meet you for lunch you may have several things going on inside you while sitting at the table alone waiting for him.

Should I text him and see where he is? Oh my god I cannot believe he is late again. Am I at the right restaurant? Did I tell him the right time? Uh I hate sitting at the table alone - pretty sure everyone is looking at me. My stomach is hurting - maybe I should get up and go to the bathroom.

Some of these thoughts coming from the same root part and others coming from another. Only way to know what thoughts and sensations belong to what part is to slow down and explore them by extending curiosity to them and seeing if they can separate a little from you so you are able to speak for the parts and not from the parts.
EX) I am so nervous I told my friend the wrong time VS A part of me is so nervous that I told my friend the wrong time to meet for lunch

The latter statement is speaking for your parts and allows for other parts to be present and come online - like maybe the part that knows you told your friend the right time and maybe even brings you to check your texts to verify, etc.

By staying blended with the part and saying “I am so nervous…” and not just a part of me is nervous - you leave no room for anything else to come online therefore staying nervous and becoming stuck there and “spiraling”.

What is Self?

The natural internal leader that wants to build a relationship with all parts (thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc.) in the internal system. It is not better than or superior to parts but is different because it naturally has some qualities that are just there when we are born and can never be damaged or replaced. Those are calm confidence, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, consistency, connected knowing and compassion (commonly referred to as the 8 C’s).

Who is IFS for?

Everyone on this planet who wants to experience a different way of looking at who they are and why they are the way they are. Appropriate for all ages.

What type of professionals use this theory to view their clients from?

It was designed and researched by the psychological field for licensed mental health counselors to use with their clients in talk therapy but over the years it has been adopted by other human helping fields such as coaches, physicians, dietitians, etc. In more recent years, the IFS model and viewpoint has been adapted to more macro systems such as schools and governments to understand and bring more compassion and healing to those spaces as well.

Books, podcasts and resources to learn more about IFS:

IFS Guide Community for Self Healers: https://www.ifsguide.com/community.html

Transcending Trauma book: https://www.amazon.com/Transcending-Trauma-Healing-Complex-Internal/dp/1683733975

Various podcasts and teleconferences exploring various IFS related concepts and topics: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/podcasts-and-teleconferences

The One Inside Podcast: https://theoneinside.libsyn.com/

Introduction to IFS book: https://ifs-institute.com/store/39

How to find an IFS mental health therapist:

You can simply use the search filter of “Internal Family Systems” on any mental health therapist directory to find a therapist that has been trained to use this approach.
- Take note that not every professional who lists IFS as a modality they used has been formally trained it in by the institute - so if this is important to you, then be sure to inquire about this during your consultation call.
You can go to the IFS institute website and use your state search filters to find a provider in your area that has completed a Level 1, 2 or 3 training.

If you are very interested in IFS and wanting to see someone who is trained in this modality it is very important to ask that provider what trainings and experience they have with the model. Some professionals have taken a 3 hour webinar on IFS and write on their website or profile that they “do IFS” while others have completed one or multiple of the formal certification programs (6 months + of intensive learning) put on by the IFS institute (these individuals will have something along the lines of “level 1 trained”, “level 2 certified” etc. on their websites.

Why IFS?

I personally love IFS so much because it is one of the only non pathologizing mental health therapies I had experienced and been formally trained in. It meets you where you are at and does not try to change you. A lot of people come into therapy wanting to “stop crying at work everyday” or “stop being so anxious” or “manage their anger better” but IFS doesn’t exactly do that and specially not in the ways other talk therapies do.

And not that you may not get results like being able to get through work without crying all day but IFS is not going to get you there by telling you to do X and more of Y and less of Z. It may get you there by creating space for the tears, leaning into and learning from them about what is going on at work that leads to the tears and how they feel about them not being welcome in the workplace and if this feeling has been mimicked before in their lives and what they feel like might happen if they cannot stop crying at work, etc.

Aiming at getting to a space where we are building a relationship with all the parts of self to better build out our internal maps so when we get dropped in the land of “crying at work” - we know where we are, whats going on, how to separate from it, and how to help it without the massive amounts of judgement and shame that might of been their previously.

It is a bit of an experiment for the system to try something different then the traditional problem solving, compartmentalization ways it is used to doing - but it is SO worth it! Only when we know our entire internal map can be navigate the external world with more ease and confidence.

This does not happen over night and is very much a process but IFS provides a great, adaptable, non shaming framework for this.

Sources for blog: http://www.athousandpaths.com/about-ifs / https://ifs-institute.com/ / https://www.ifsguide.com/ / https://www.choosingtherapy.com/internal-family-systems-therapy

Written by Shannon Gonter

Shannon Gonter 5/18/21 Shannon Gonter 5/18/21

It's your life - you have a say in what happens next...

No matter what type of family you grew up in - we all have expectations set for us. Some have a lot - and some have very few. Some are very clear and explicitly stated and some you’ve got to piece together and read between the lines to digest.

It is not uncommon for people to talk about their families and often times when that happens you will hear the sayings along the lines of “my mom always wanted me…” - “my siblings did this…”, “our family were the ones who…” — a lot of other collective thought phrases.

Behind these phrases is usually very clear or subtle expectations set by the household or society we were surrounded with.

Either way - if we make it to adulthood - we often find ourselves in a space of differentiation from our family systems or societal expectations and that oftentimes causes friction within our current space and in the ways we interact internally (thoughts, feelings, sensations).

Everyday as we age - the hope is that we embrace our individuality more and more - becoming our own beings outside of our family system. But this not usually so black and white. A lot of the friction comes from us trying to do this all while upholding these family beliefs (consciously but oftentimes unconsciously) and expectations for self (that may be drastically different than what we want for ourselves or may just have the most subtle of differences).

Examples:

thinking about going to therapy and sharing with a professional your lived experiences when you were told that sharing with others is dangerous and can be unsafe and that business “stays in the family” = FRICTION
feeling like crying but holding it in because you were told that emotions are weakness. Knowing on one level that crying doesn’t = weakness - but still be able to allow self to do it in a way that feels safe
coming to and shifting political beliefs when you were raised and socialized with different beliefs but still keeping them a secret from specific people out of fear from alienation, judgement, etc.

Some of the most important parts to all of this is having awareness and giving back what doesn’t resonate with you any longer.

A lot of family and societal expectations that are placed on us were done so without our consent. They are just floating in our homes and communities waiting to land on us - and they often stick to us without us even knowing - therefore making it hard to understand them.

AWARENESS

See who is in the room (your head and body). We don’t usually just have one thing online - usually we have a part of us that feels excited and another who is hesitant and another who is planning what to do if things don’t go as planned and another who is ready to bring on the self sabotage.
Connect to the body. When having a thought or feeling sometimes it can be connected to a bodily sensation as well. Explore and bring your awareness inside and see whats going on in your body when you are feeling nervous. Is your heart pounding, your chest tight, hands sweating?
Track when they show up and how you feel towards them. Usually the things inside of us have a bit of a sequence to them - see if you can notice any internal patterns. Maybe when you are feeling really anxious and have a lot of chatter in your head something soon after comes over to shut it all down and we find ourselves on the couch watching Netflix for 8 hours and then something else comes online to tell us we are lazy and then the doer comes online and the next night we stay up till 3am doing work we “should have been doing” earlier. Just notice the sequence and how you may feel different towards each part when it shows up to do its job.

REORGANIZING

Choice. As mentioned before - we don’t always subscribe to all beliefs that we hold. Little boys don’t click subscribe to feeling weak when feeling and experiencing certain emotions. These are (unfortunately) things that are just built into our society and lives and we are intentionally subscribed to them from our families and surroundings (“grow up, crying is for girls, get over it, you don’t have to cry”) or subtly subscribed to them through messages and reinforcements (not seeing your father cry, only seeing females in movies express certain emotions, seeing more females in caregiving professions then men).
Give back. Now that you are an adult - some things have changed. Maybe you don’t have the same political beliefs as the system you grew up in, or you took a different lifestyle route than was set before you, possibly you are attracted to the same sex and you grew up not knowing that was an option. So this where this all comes together. We have got to have the awareness of whats going on now - how things were different before - how these two things are stored in the body and who they belong to.

Written by: Shannon Gonter, Professional Counselor in Kentucky

I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their unhelpful patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.

Shannon Gonter 12/2/20 Shannon Gonter 12/2/20

Walk and Talk Counseling

Walk-and-talk is a form of psychotherapy or consultation while walking outdoors in public places. I offer walk-and-talk sessions as an optional treatment modality.

This is a unique approach that combines the benefits of traditional talk therapy with mild walking exercise.

Why do it?

Walk and talk sessions are a great way to switch up the therapy experience and allow for the benefits provided through connecting with nature, getting gentle exercise, and loosening up the thought process through movement.

Who is it best for?

All sorts of people from all walks of life and ages with low to medium emotional distress can participate in walk and talk counseling. Maybe you want to take advantage of this type of therapy because you to switch up the therapy experience and allow for the benefits provided through connecting with nature, getting gentle exercise, and loosening up the thought process through movement.

If you’re interested, we’ll decide beforehand if it’s clinically appropriate for your situation. Walk-and-talk sessions can be used intermittently or regularly, and may be discontinued at any time.

It is not advised that individuals with active psychosis, suicidal thoughts or are in an immediate crisis use this modality. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms it will be better suited for you to see an in person office based counselor to ensure your safety and provide you with the support needed. Please call 911 or find your local mental health emergency services by Googling “(your town) crisis hotline” if you are feeling suicidal or experiencing a mental health crisis.

Concerns to think about before doing a walk and talk session?

Below are the limits of confidentially, risks and more that my clients understand and sign off to when working with me for walk and talk sessions.

I voluntarily elect to participate in walk and talk therapy sessions with Therapy by Shannon, LLC and in doing so I expressly accept and assume ALL of the risks existing in walk and talk therapy and its individual activities and processes (physical, emotional, confidentiality, etc.)

I am medically able to participate in walking therapy and agree to alert my provider to any health concerns that may limit my ability to participate. I am responsible for having any medications on me that are necessary for environmental allergies (e.g., EpiPen for bee stings, inhaler for asthma, etc).

I agree to seek a doctor’s approval before beginning walk/talk therapy if appropriate.
If I have any medical conditions that would be detrimental to walk talk therapy I agree to disclose this and understand my therapist may not be able to offer this as an option.
I agree to inform my provider if our walking pace or any of the conditions associated with walk and talk therapy are uncomfortable for me in any way and I understand that it is my responsibility to communicate this with my therapist.
I understand that there are limits to confidentiality when we are in a public place. I am aware of these limitations and I am comfortable participating regardless.
I understand that if my therapist and I come into contact with a person that I know, I have the right to disclose or not to disclose that I am in a therapy session. I understand that my therapist will follow my lead should we come into contact with a person I know and my therapist will make every effort to preserve client confidentiality and privacy while conducting my walk/talk therapy session.
I understand that if my therapist should come into contact with a person he/she knows, my therapist will not acknowledge me as a client or the walk/talk therapy session as counseling to preserve confidentiality.
I acknowledge unanticipated risks that could result in physical or emotional injury or damage to myself or others and that these risks can not be eliminated. I understand that Therapy by Shannon, LLC is not liable for these risks. These risks include but are not limited to: emotional stress or trauma; strenuous and vigorous physical, mental emotional and intellectual activity; the possibility of slips and falls; bruises, sprains, lacerations, fractures, animal bites or stings, concussions or any physical injury.
I understand that my relationship with my provider is that of client and therapist and is completely professional. I take full responsibility for communicating and maintaining my personal boundaries. I recognize that my therapist will be acting solely as my mental health therapist. I understand that my therapist is not a medical doctor, not a personal fitness trainer, not a physical therapist, not a nurse, and not a nutritionist, etc.
I understand that if I am using in network or out of network insurance benefits, not all insurance plans cover walk and talk sessions or that these sessions might be subject to restrictions in order to qualify for insurance-based coverage. Please check with your provider on more information. Insurance benefits or restrictions to walk and talk sessions will be discussed ahead of time.

Where do sessions take place?

If scheduling sessions with me, you and I will decide together where the best location is for your sessions to take place at. Usually they are at a local public park, neighborhood, or walking trail that provides ample space to ensure the most confidential of conversations possible.

Can I do some sessions walk and talk and some online?

With my clients - I do allow them to do hybrid services. Maybe they want to mix it up and do some online, some in the office and some outside / or other times weather makes those decisions for us and it is raining during the time of our walk and talk session so we move it online for the day.

I recommend exploring this with your therapist and listening to your body the week of session to explore what it needs in that moment. Maybe we scheduled our walk and talk therapy session weeks ago and now that it’s week of session you aren’t feeling it- you as the client has full autonomy to alter the delivery method of your session (as long as it it inside the rescheduling window) to honor what your body needs in the moment.

What if I don’t like it?

Remember that therapy is a service and service driven by you. If you don’t like it - don’t do it. Before stopping, I do suggest getting curious about why you do not like it and bring that into conversation with your therapist if you feel comfortable. By doing this you both will be able to explore what is going on, options for your future services and how you would like to proceed going forward. Sometimes walk and talk sessions just might not be for you - but there also are times that walk and talk sessions allow us to access parts of self that are often hidden from us. This then makes us feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and scared - maybe bringing up an avoidance, blockage, or something else that is happening behind the scenes.

Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC in Louisville, KY in practice with Therapy by Shannon, LLC

Shannon Gonter 11/18/20 Shannon Gonter 11/18/20

Online Counseling FAQ

Being online is nothing out of the ordinary for us - but doing therapy online is. Since COVID-19 almost 100% of medical and mental health services quickly transitioned to providing services via secure online video/audio platforms and now it is here to stay. So let’s answer some common questions asked and clear up some of the misinformation out there about online mental health counseling.

What is tele-mental health?

Also referred to as Telemedicine, Tele-Mental Health, E-Health, and E-Counseling. The definition for telemedicine or telehealth is the use of electronic communication and information technologies to provide or support clinical care at a distance. Using the telephone, text, e-mail, or interactive tele-video-conferencing technologies.

What are the benefits of using technology with my therapist?

· Crisis intervention or other contacts between in-person sessions.

· Conducting sessions with clients who are not able to attend in-person sessions for a period of time.

· Conducting psychotherapy with an individual in a different geographical area with or without in-person face-to-face contact.

· Providing assessment, prevention or treatment of mental health presenting concerns or related services to an individual in a different location.

· Conducting psychotherapy via phone or Internet synchronistically (i.e., at the same time, such as on the phone or via video-conferencing) or a-synchronistically (i.e., sequential, via text, e-mail or chat).

How do I know online services are right for me?

Talk to your therapist and see! Whether you are in relationship with a provider now, or if it is during a free consultation call - inquire about their offerings with online services and ask about appropriateness of fit. In regard to how I navigate this with my clients - if at any time while we are engaging in tele-therapy, I determine, in my sole discretion, that tele-therapy is no longer the most appropriate form of treatment for you, we will discuss options of engaging in face-to-face in-person counseling or possible referrals to another professional in your location who can provide appropriate services.

What are the benefits of doing online sessions?

There are risks and benefits to using online platforms for therapy. One of the benefits of tele-therapy is that the client and therapist can engage in services without being in the same physical location. This can be helpful in ensuring continuity of care if the client or therapist moves to a different location, takes an extended vacation, or is otherwise unable to continue to meet in person. It can also increase the convenience and time efficiency of both parties. Important to note that for most mental health services the client must be in the state that the clinician is licensed in. For example, all clients of mine must be in the state of KY during time of service because my practicing license is only for the state of KY.

What are the risks of doing online sessions?

Although there are benefits of tele-therapy, there are some fundamental differences between in- person psychotherapy and tele-therapy, as well as some inherent risks. For example:

· Risks to confidentiality. Because tele-therapy sessions take place outside of the typical office setting, there is potential for third parties to overhear sessions if they are not conducted in a secure environment. I will take reasonable steps to ensure the privacy and security of your information, and it is important for you to review your own security measures and ensure that they are adequate to protect information on your end. You should participate in therapy only while in a room or area where other people are not present and cannot overhear the conversation.

· Issues related to technology. There are risks inherent in the use of technology for therapy that are important to understand, such as: potential for technology to fail during a session, potential that transmission of confidential information could be interrupted by unauthorized parties, or potential for electronically stored information to be accessed by unauthorized parties.

· Crisis management and intervention. As a general rule I will not engage in tele-therapy with patients who are in a crisis situation. Before engaging in tele-therapy, we will develop an emergency response plan to address potential crisis situations that may arise during the course of our tele-therapy work.

Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC in Louisville, KY in practice with Therapy by Shannon, LLC

Shannon Gonter 11/4/20 Shannon Gonter 11/4/20

Louisville Local Mental Health Resources

Louisville, KY is filled with mental health and wellness related businesses. In this post we will explore a variety of different agencies that can assist you in deepening the connection you have with self.

EARTH & SPIRIT CENTER

Offers educational opportunities, workshops for beginners and children and many more.

MENTAL HEALTH LOU

Their mission is to decrease stigma and increase community awareness of mental health resources through connection, mobilization and education.

VIPASSANA COMMUNITY

Purpose is to provide a supportive setting and community for insight meditation practice. Newcomers and beginners are always welcome.

B.MINDFUL LOUISVILLE

Their providers are skilled in what they do - each specializing in their own area and caring for their clients in their own unique way.

LOUISVILLE COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL LIVING

Coming together to meditate, share insights, ask questions and find a peaceful refuge without fear of judgment or rejection.

KORU MINDFULNESS TRAININGS

An evidence-based curriculum designed to teach mindfulness, meditation, and stress management. Hosted by UofL.

THE PETE FOUNDATION

With a vision and mission of rallying the community to champion youth mental health & wellness.

NAMI LOUISVILLE

NAMI Louisville is dedicated to educating consumers, family members, professionals, and the general public to dispel myths and misperceptions about mental illness. Our programs and services are aimed toward eradicating the stigma of mental illness, enhancing the hope of recovery, and improving the quality of life for those in the Louisville area whose lives are affected by serious mental illness.

SLOW DOWN AT THE SPEED

The Speed Art Museum is collaborating with UofL Health Promotion, local musicians, and community mindfulness teachers to provide guidance that will enhance your present moment experiences in the Speed.

Compiled by Shannon Gonter

Shannon Gonter 10/21/20 Shannon Gonter 10/21/20

P R E S S U R E

There is a huge pressure that is put on kids to “brush it off” and “push through it”. This creates very little space for them to learn about your inner thoughts, emotions and needs. Making it difficult to navigate their inner experiences.

Recorded by Shannon Gonter in Louisville, KY

Childhood:

Impact:

This pressure and disconnection from self at an early age can cause stress, difficulties within your relationships, and leaves people with several unanswered questions. As humans, we naturally don’t like things that are answered with “idk” or a “?” so we fill in the answer with something - anything.

Issue:

From time to time, as children we are forced to fill in the answer to something we have no business doing, so our little brains and bodies do the best with what we got to survive (physically or figuratively) and we plug something in. If it works, we keep moving on and letting the things do their thing behind the scenes. If it doesn’t “work” then we plug something else in or learn to shut down parts of ourselves to make it “work”.

Time flies:

We then get to adulthood and some of the systems that worked for us as kids and adolescents just aren’t kicking it anymore. So we’ve got to update the system. The system though….doesn’t always like to be messed with. Remember that it has been operating in a certain way for a long, long time and it may have a hard time understanding your adult logic for wanting to switch things up.

How this looks IRL:

After your great achievements of receiving an education and starting your career, what’s next? Maybe you are struggling to find “your path”. The structure that once guided you to where you are today is no longer there, and all that lies in front of you seems like a lonely path.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way:

We know that we are “stuck” and don’t want to be any longer. So what are our options? Let’s try some things and switch it up.

Pause and breathe: For real. Right now. Stop reading this and pause. Close your eyes. Take a HUGE inhale and a huge exhale. Do this for as long as your body needs it.

Talk to a someone: Maybe its a family member, friend or your journal. Let out what is inside you. What you are experiencing is not crazy, is not abnormal and isn’t weird. You are experiencing it because it is what is. Let’s take some time to learn about why we are they way we are and spread that compassion to those parts of self that need it most. Get out of your head and let those words be said. We are not always the best people to talk to ourselves in all situations. We are often times much harsher to ourselves then we are to others.

Meditate: Use an app, go to a class, or simply just close your eyes and be still for 20 seconds. Take whatever step forward in the direction of learning more about meditation and mindfulness based practices and see if you want to integrate any fo those into your daily life.

Try counseling: Maybe you have never tried counseling before, or maybe it has just been years since you were forced to go as a kid or teenager. I believe that counseling can be different. Your decision to enter counseling at this time is for you, for your future, and for your personal growth. I am here to work alongside you to find better solutions to any negative patterns that continue to play out in your life.

Connect to something other then your phone: Maybe it is your breathe, nature, something spiritual, a God, just anything. Be intentional about changing up the routine and connecting with someone other then the usual (social media, Netflix, etc.).

I am Shannon Gonter and I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.